//...Raging Fire Burn...\\

Saturday, July 31, 2004

Scolded...

Feeling pretty depressed the pass few days. Not mentioning now. Have nvr met with such unreasonable ppl in the world. Guess this is how snobbish ppl behaves.

Anyway, long story... just dun feel like posting detailed story on air. Just say whn u want an unplanned large order to b rush, u muz be prepared 2 have a decline in some other pre-arranged items. This BLOODY MOTOROLA PRODUCTION MANAGER expects different. All he says is he will onli look at those things which we can't fulfill and starts reprimanding us. Me poor thing muz answer to him directly.

Production also bloody high. Dun understand why are they pulling all the nxt few days orders onto a day. Almost faint at the order list. Believe if this type of load came in during my 1st few days, I will not b sitting here. Haha! Anyway, thanks a lot 2 my Shi Fu, Lai Keng , who took such great care of the production team and drafting of the production plan, all went well. She even went 2 the extent of goin down 2 the production line and help up. Realli am veri touched at such a boss's actions.

Anyway, also did learned a lot from this experience. Was told tt I was goin 2 experience this in future every end of the month. Guess the most busy time will b during the paydays. Hahaha!!! Remind me of how hard is it 2 earn money. Speaking of which, was thinking of delaying a few items of my want list. Not striking them off, instead juz a delay.

Bring a few days back till last Sunday, finally got the pictures of my outing. Hmmm... actually got it quite a while. Juz hadn't the time like now 2 slack in the office.

The Vil'age - The Restaurant In A Village
JC Class
A Touch Of Schooling Dayz

Ok, enough for today. Still not realli in a mood to blog much. Still pretty depressed sort of. juz hope my pay perks me up. Ta-taz!!!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 7/31/2004 02:50:00 PM

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Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Almost Giving Up

Look at the time and I am still at work....
Tell u all... I am almost abt to give up.

Looking at everyone leaving at 6:30pm while my boss leave at 4:30pm... it was totally depressing...why am i still here????

How come i am the only one OT!?!?!

Juz dun wanna waste more time blogging for now... goin pack up and leave...so tired and shagged and shitified till i think i shall take a cab home tonight...

realli depressed with the orders today... manage it well i guess, but realli to the tip of my pointy little hat...

SIGH!!!!!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 7/28/2004 08:04:00 PM

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Sunday, July 25, 2004

Unbalance Or Spare Tyre?

Quite a few things going thru my mind the past few days beside work. Am impressed I still hve time 2 think so much despite the stress. Prob due 2 the long hours on the bus I guess.

Theory 1...
Juz dun get it whnever sth is goin super well in my life, sth else muz falter. This job I possess juz sort of a curse towards my social life. Sort of like whnever I make a decision, these 2 options are always on the opp ends of the scale. Juz dun like 2 jeopardize my social life esp those close friends which I put in so much effort in building up my ties with. Neither do I want 2 give up a career which so promising, sort of. Feel like I am losing the social circle I am trying so hard 2 hold on 2.

Theory 2...
Whnever there is trouble, I am there. Definitely... whether ppl wants me or not. Guess I am the sort which do not like 2 sit on the side lines & watch trouble brew and do nothing. Juz wish I hve the power 2 solve everybody's needs. One, money solves most. Sth I dun hve. Two, care and concern solves the rest. Sth I juz try my best in. Juz dunno the rite way.
Whnever there is happiness, I may not b there. So this sort of spells tht I feel used. Prob juz over-sensitive, but I do realli feel it. Dun like the analogy where I am this rotten rubber tyre by the road where onli in emergency do ppl look up 2.

Or maybe my role in this life is 2 play this emergency tyre? Like a pawn on a chessboard, my fate is decided by my player. A small piece which in dire emergency, might turn a game ard. On the other hand, juz a soldier, a cannon fodder. If so, guess I juz try 2 accept my fate n do it well. Nothing much 2 complain.

Which ever the theory above bears facts, I dun noe. Watever the case, juz pray I will my best in watever role I hold till the last breathe I take.

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 7/25/2004 10:34:00 PM

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Saturday, July 24, 2004

Stuck At Work

Pretty much stuck here in the office since i am waiting for a few ppl to leave the office before locking up. dun realli noe wat they are doing, juz noe it is sth 2 do with my server. Another server i mean.

Speaking of which, cable is realli bloody fast. Man! realli looking 4ward to the month's pay 2 get my new PC before subscribing 2 broadband or cable. Gotta employ an expert 2 help me on this. Think i've told him before. juz hope he is able 2 make it. Hmm... seems not like a veri good time to ask him now. Pray all will b well for him soon.

Anyway, work has been pretty hectic since the departure of my direct boss, Lai Keng. am realli looking 4ward 2 her return nxt week. Juz wonder how am i going 2 type one more day's of constraint report w/o her "update-tion" of her DO status. Probably gotta learn how 2 update tt too whn she is back, juz in case she goes on holiday again.

Anyway, i am realli not the pitiful one, I guess. Gotta pity those in production. Got this super big order which comes in ten thousands last evening. she was even calling my cell all the way till i go 2 bed. damn serious. Anyway, wasn't my fault for not informing my workers in time as she "jumped the gun". The goods according 2 the constraint report was due only on Monday. However, she pushed the deadline till Sunday. Now my fellow mates are working their butts off while all i can do is watch n prevent more orders from coming in.

Feel so poor thing of myself. Fancy being squash into between my fellow mates and those paper-thirsty ppl at Motorola. Can't push away the orders as they are my customers. But also can't take too much as my workers do need rest too. They are only humans. Wat can i do??? Or wat shld I do???

Realli feel pretty stress myself. mentally tortured is all i can say. Feel so like goin over 2 Motorola and ask them 2 shut up. However, customers are always correct. Wat a fucked up policy!?! Prob i gotta learn abt this since i am destined 2 b in this sort of business. Faced it in army and now, history is repeating itself.

However, gotta say army is better as there is still such thing as regimental rules. still there are rules 2 follow, guides line to go with. In the social university, these rules can be stretch while some can even b broken. It is a total different story. Guess flexibility has also its disadvantages.

Ok, dun wanna blog too much. Becoming too longwinded. Ta-taz...

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 7/24/2004 03:43:00 PM

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Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Bombed!!!

Am realli bombed to the max today.

Can't believe so many problem matters came in all at the morning. Almost can't believe it.
1st, it was a production fault of ours. Was supposed to give Motorola 9.6k of an SJJN6586B manual yesterday. All went well till we did the QC test this morning. We had given them the B-version as stated to them, however we affixed the A-version sticker on it. Thus, rejecting the whole batch of goods yesterday.

Rushed another whole batch of goods the whole day, while muz still carry on with our normal production. was a total killer. My bosses were like chilli padi the whole morning, waiting to burn everyone. Me? Am rushed up and down from production to my office, being chased by those stupid clients. Total shagged...

2nd, was an item mixed up occuring with our contractors and Motorola. So wat was the problem? Motorola ordered a batch of 37k of N05 from us. For this item, we get it from our supplier, Siangpack in Penang, Malaysia. however, their warehouse, under Exce Logistics is based in Singapore. Turned out the goods received were mixed up with other "foreign matter". Went up to all the 3 companies top bosses. My boss decided to ask me handle the matter. More like bomb n trash to me. Anyway, 1st day got to speak to all the bosses and bosses secretaries plus plus plus all the assistants. Why? All the top bosses were on summer vacation!?! Can't believe it. So much decisions can't be made. But lastly, still solved it by sending a new batch direct from Penang tml.

Hectic time huh??? This is juz an addition to the orders I receive today. Though little in the morning, it was a bomb in the afternoon. Thank God for my lady boss, Lai Keng, who helped me up with my daily work, am I done now.

Anyway, will b on my own for the rest of the week since she is going on leave to Australia. Though she set some of the production in motion before she leave, am veri sure many things and prob will crop up again. Pretty worried. At least I managed get a pretty good rapport with many ppl ard the whole company. Am glad all are there to help me.

Now still waiting for the remaining feedbacks of the days plus any late orders, so shall update on my thots for the past few days.

Sunday, had a JC pals outing. Was a pretty fine outing. Juz realise so many ppl have changed so much. Even the thgs we do are so different. Dine in at this sort of "fake Mache style" restaurant at China Square and went for karaoke after tt. Sort of weird to see a grp of super funky class doing sth so grown up. Guess this is the way of moving up in life.

Monday was boring.

Tuesday went out after work for this Health production recruitment talk. Not realli sure if I shld or not. Juz start on this job. dun feel like splitting my concentration on other things for the moment. Am pretty confused now actually. But juz dunno how to tell my friend since he seems to b pretty enthusiatic on this product. probably not for now. In future i guess.

Anyway, here comes my last order. Another shagged day.

Pray tml will b a better day.... All by myself....

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 7/21/2004 06:21:00 PM

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Saturday, July 17, 2004

Nothing Much 2 Do 2dae...

Something I found in my mail. Prob can meditate on it. Haha!!!

Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.
Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.
What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?
If love isn't a game, why are there so many players?
Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.
You can only go as far as you push!
Actions speak louder than words.
The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.
Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.
Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it.
A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find and lucky to have.
Some people make the world special by just being in it.
Best friends are the siblings God forgot to give us.
When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there.
True friendship never ends.
Friends are forever.
Good friends are like stars....you don't always see them, but you know they are always there. Don't frown, you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.
Most people walk in and out of your life, but only friends leave footprints in your heart.
If u love something...let it go. If it comes back to you its yours.... If it doesn't then it never was.
A kiss is just a kiss until u find the one you love.
A hug is just a hug until its from the one ur thinking of.
A dream is just a dream until u make it come true. LOVE is just a word until its proven 2 u.

To realize the value of a sister, ask someone who doesn't have one.
To realize the value of ten years: ask a newly divorced couple.
To realize the value of four years: ask a graduate.
To realize the value of one year: ask a student who has failed a final exam.
To realize the value of nine months: ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.
To realize the value of one month: ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of one week: ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value of one hour: ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realize the value of one minute: ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize the value of one-second: ask a person who has survived an accident...
To realize the value of one millisecond: ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have. You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.
To realize the value of a friend: lose one.

Chim huh??? But it is veri meaningful. Ok, want 2 go home liao. End here.

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 7/17/2004 12:57:00 PM

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Thursday, July 15, 2004

Shitified Day

Can't believe 2dae is such a downer. Everything juz seems to go so terribly wrong.

1st thing in the morning, my alarm fail to ring. Thank god for the hydraulic room's alarm system downstairs my block, it went off, else I will b still slping till noon.

Next, I rushed to work. Since I was late, decided to the train. Anyway, I was still late. Why? I took the wrong train, thus went the wrong direction towards Pasir Ris instead of Boon Lay. Onli till I reached Eunos did I realise my big blunder.

Next, was something 2 do with my report I did a few days back. Was this 2 way schedule sharing thingy. Stupid stuff. juz more work. Wonder why do we need tt since we have our daily constraint reports? Anyway, was told tt I missed out a whole long list of items which I did not update. And I realli mean a whole long list of like 20 over line items. Felt realli terrible as I was realli trying my best 2 find out wat's wrong. Anyway, at least it is solved.

Last, and I realli hope last, I made 2 blunders with 2 orders where I almost almost send the wrong items. Thank God I manage rectify tt. The one which I was most affected was one item where I was told 2 produce, but I gave the wrong info where it needed 2 b send. Made all my production guys rushed the production 4 nothing. I am so sorry.

Anyway, realli... my day is realli shitified, BIG TIME!!! Can't help but feeling at times if I can onli catch up the standard faster, things wldn't b so bad. Ok, need go back work liao.

Juz hope this day ends faster...

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 7/15/2004 03:14:00 PM

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Tuesday, July 13, 2004

I Am Happy...

Yep!!! U are not wrong. I am still at work. Apparently, work is light for now, so using the Net at my workplace 2 update my blog.

Yep! Def much happier as I am realli getting the hand of things. In fact, am ask to update the price list from 2dae onwards. More jobs n responsibilities. But glad to do sth than nothing.

Now waiting for Zirong to send me the updated price list. Ok, guess all waiting is over. Got more orders to do. So here is the entry for todae I guess.

p.s. Seems to got a lot of attention by killing flies todae. Explain another dae.

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 7/13/2004 03:29:00 PM

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Monday, July 12, 2004

"Seasons" Changing...

Dun want 2 spend 2 long on blogging 2dae. Still hve my Weekly Schedule Planning yet 2 b complete. Brought it home 2 complete it as I was the onli one in the office left.

Apparently, guess it was Monday blues, thus everyone left veri early, left alone rushing 2 complete all wk 4 the day. Pretty unlucky in the morning as some of the data were corrupted, thus creating a lot of probs 4 me. Manage 2 get on with work while rectifying them.

Muz say I am getting into the hang of the job. From wat I see, I hve alreadi taken back 90% of my work from my boss n co-colleague. Am pretty happy 2dae as not onli my boss was more relax as her workload was down, I am able 2 comprehend most of the docs, figures and reports. My clients also are approaching me directly more often rather than thru my boss, however, mail muz still go thru them as I am yet 2 set up my own email. Guess tt will b one of the last few thgs I realli one. Even without an email, I am already bombed with mail from the ppl with accounts thru out the office. Juz imagine if I hve one, life is def gonna b more busy than now.

But am also pretty happy I manage leave the office quite early too. Still did OT 4 abt 2hrs, but the fact I do not hve 2 reach home so bloody late was a blessing 4 me. Hahaha!

Nevertheless, still besides the travelling, think I am beginning 2 like my job. Am still trying find the short timing 2 work but taking different buses everyday. But guess with the morning peaks n traffic, an hr n half is inevitable. Pretty sad.

Rapport within my company is also getting better. Fancy cracking 1 or 2 jokes occasionally within the office helps take the stress off the super tiring endless work. Realli seems like a nice working family.

Juz hope the pay is gd in the end.

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 7/12/2004 09:16:00 PM

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Sunday, July 11, 2004

Fruitful Sunday

Was supposed 2 stay home 2dae since I hve been out the whole week. Not playing but working. Actually, was a gd time 4 me 2 rest. Too bad, it is not of my nature 2 think tt way. Decide 2 call my Niu Lang out 2 play n 4 a movie.

Went out shopping 4 a few essential working items tt I needed pretty urgently. Walk ard n updated him on my progress. Was pretty surprised the way now I look at shopping. Juz tt having a better salary sort of makes a lot of things afforded now. However, the urge of wanting 2 buy them was pretty depressed. I tend 2 look at prices now. Guess the hardship of working sort of drilled into me the effort of blood money, how much I muz go thru 2 earn it. Though wanted a lot of thgs but I sort of control n bought those which is realli essential.

Not 2 b 2 stingy, after all all work no play makes Matt a dull boy is still one of the standing principles of me, spending a little on leisure is not a sin. Watch a movie n dine in at Fish & Co.

I noe many of u are surprised after my food poisoning experience not long b4. But sort of feel tt I shld not let one incident stop me EVER from eating there, so decided 2 go again. Anyway, was partly 2 allow my Niu Lang experience his 1st meal at The Glass House. Wonder how come he had not been there while I been there like? OH!!! Countless times. Haha! Anyway, juz 2 get of the normal dinner with him, decide 2 choose the alfresco style. Sort of romantic I guess. Haha! Anyway, had realli enough of air-con 4 the week. Not realli bad 4 health. Seafood Platter was the usual dish but decided 2 called 4 sth alcholic. Citrus Fantasy was it. Got this real tangy taste which mixes realli well with seafood. Shld realli try it on ur nxt visit. A recommendation from me. Hardly cld feel the alcohol anyway, so dun worry of getting drunk.

Meal was pretty full so decided 2 take a small walk 2 City Hall instead of Dhoby Ghaut. Feel it has been so long since I had a nice talk with him. Though simple & short outing, but realli a meaningful one which realli strengthens the friendship bond. Sth which is realli impt 2 me now since I can hardly meet up with any of my close friends due 2 my late nite works. Prob cld ask them out at nite, but sort of juz hate the feeling of rejection. After all, it is quite late abt 8+ where wld prefer go home slp.

Guess I will juz leave it 2 fate 2 select the ppl in my life 4 me.

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 7/11/2004 11:52:00 PM

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Saturday, July 10, 2004

Job Thoughts; The Sequel

Ok, am back 2 blogging again. Apparently, Sat is a half day wk 4 me. Wk is def less hectic as most staff at Motorola and my company dun function on Sats. Besides, there is the previous Inventory Clerk, or wat I call my upperstudy, Lisa, back 2 help up with things. Apparently, she is wking part-time and will help take over on Sats (if she has no lessons; she is studying now.) and the Suns. Yep! We do work on Sats and Suns too with the minimal staff. Super hardworking company. Haha!

Anyway, juz a few events 2 share. Realise tt our office realli draws a lot of power. Heard tt power trips were quite often. Did not realli believe till on Thursday. Went of unexpectedly (of course unexpectedly; who can expect one!?!) with almost many ppl banging their heads against the wall. Why? Coz watever is on done on their PCs were all wiped off! Teaches them 2 save often. Thank God 4 me, I was working on a laptop. Haha! Evil me! Anyway, I would hve lost my whole constraint report if it juz go POOF! Takes hours 2 do tt blistering stuff and was almost on completion then. THANK GOD!!!

Also realise another perks. Good thing 2 work with external contractors. Enjoyed this perk in camp too esp while my attachment in techstore. Once in a while, and def more often in camp, they will bring in gifts and samples 4 us. In camp, it goes from calenders to torchlights to small stationery. 4 my side, I get bigger items from stationery to water bottles to travelling items to more useful items. Got a shirt and a camping tool 2dae. Yep! I noe u all muz b thinking I am corrupted 2 accept such items and super cheap. But these items are totally legal. In the sense, they allow us 2 sample them first b4 going 2 buy more. Marketing strategy I say.

2dae, also worked a little OT past lunch. Edwyn decide 2 treat us 2 McDonald?s. Ordered thru phone. And had this super joke with the operator. Apparently I ordered thru the company phone but used my HP as a call back reference. So wat was the joke is tt they almost send the order 2 their pre-existing address saved in their database. Tt address is my army camp back at 6DSMB. Haha! Used 2 ordered tt whn I was on guard duty or working late. Had a real hard time trying convince the operator tt the new address I gave them was a privatise company, not a government installation.
"So where do u want us 2 send it to? How abt to the guard room of Tristellar?" Guard room of Tristellar??? I was almost dying of laughter. Was telling them there was no security thingy and 2 juz head into the company office.
"Deliver direct INTO the office?" with still great doubt whether it was a military installation or prohibited area.
"Nope, into my toilet from the backdoor, while b like Agent 007 Bond & skip past all the deadly laser bombs & security alarms." was the answer I feel so like giving them. Haha!

Guess working outside in this company is not so bad. In fact, except due to the travelling stuff, been actually looking quite forward 2 going 2 work. But trying not 2 b too enthusiastic as not 2 get bored too soon. Juz hope it last.

Finally, I can see some future prospects.

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 7/10/2004 10:00:00 PM

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Friday, July 09, 2004

Job Thoughts

Dun worry! Am not ill or got sick of writing. But realli busy since I got the job. OT even on the 1st day. Dun believe I saw a daylight yet from home. Sigh! So sad! Anyway, am suppose 2 b studying reports now, but after 2dae, am realli bushed. Decide take a break 4 a while, eat my dinner n go back 2 it later.

Anyway, trace back a bit. Backgrd history. Am working as an Inventory clerk 4 a company called Tristellar Enterprise. Is a small but not so small printing company. Wat I mean in size is small but takes on a lot of major deals like Motorola, Microsoft, Xbox, Creative and the list goes on. Located at Lower Delta Road, Bukit Merah, super far from my home. This explains my super early travelling time, but still later than army. At least a little late is not a prob 2 them. Trying my best 2 b early with my distance.

Working under 3 bosses, Lai Keng, Eric and Ricky. Mainly is under Lai Keng as she is directly in charge of the company biggest client, Motorola. Veri friendly boss whom is always there 2 guide me n answer all my queries, big or small. Actually all the bosses are veri friendly. Keep asking abt my well-being, whether I can cope it and always there 2 provide me a helping hand. The staff there are realli great. Noe tt work is super tight there, but they still manage find time make me feel as part of the company. There is Annie whom is my interviewer, Raymond whom is covering part of my work b4 I was here n also working hand-in-hand with, Niaz (not sure how 2 spell) whom helps me as an assistant n also all the filing in the company, Zirong whom realli helped me up a lot 2dae, Bridget whom is in charge mainly on the company JHT, Edywn whom in charge of Xbox, Tracy whom in charge of finance, Ivy whom also in charge of Xbox and Fat Guy whom is my store IC. Pretty much cover almost everybody, I guess. Anyway, everyone has been realli busy including me, so din talk much. Dun ask me why I dun interact over lunch as lunch 2 me is realli 10-15mins indefinitely since I need 2 catch up my work. A lot 2 do.

So wat is my job scope? Mainly I am in charge of all the delivery of Motorola. Fulfilling their orders, forecasting their needs and giving instructions 2 the store of wat is needed 2 b print n delivered everyday. Yep! Sounds simple? Till u try it n u will noe. The turnover rate is crazy. All highs and no lows. Goods flood out 2 along the corridors n into unused stores on other floors. Am suppose 2 work hand in hand with Raymond n of course, my boss, Lai Keng. Juz hope 2 take over the ropes soon. Seems like a super tough job the way I make it sound huh? It is! But wat am I still doin there?

Of course the company got its perks. 1st the colleagues n bosses are realli friendly. Despite of all my mistakes, they still bear with me n help me up whenever they cld. Shld there b chances, they always try make me feel part of the small family. 2nd is tt I got my own space of work. Which means I got my own desk 2 work at. Also is tt I got my veri own laptop!!! Man! Tt is the greatest perk. Also 2dae, they ordered a new drawer specially 4 my use. I mean I am juz on probation like 3 days and they are already treating me so well. Dun think I will find tt in other jobs. 3rd is of the environment. I do not need 2 slog it out under the sun. I have a nice air-con environment, sth which ppl always hope 4. And occasionally I am able 2 go down 2 ground or wat we use, going down 2 production 2 exercise my legs a little. Mainly these r the perks.

But there comes great responsibilities. Needing 2 work exceptionally hard since I am dealing with my company's biggest client, Motorola. So definitely there is no days where I can knock off exactly on time. Needing 2 catch up fast while still performing my duties. Tt is the most tricky part. In fact, my boss juz taken leave 2 holiday in Hong Kong, leaving mainly the work 4 me 2 handle, with few ppl 2 guide me along n help me. Guess tt was wat which realli stresses me up a lot 2dae. Suddenly facing all the phonecalls n clients was realli a nightmare.

Anyway, real glad she will b back on Monday. K, so shall end here. Still got lots of things 2 talk, but perhaps another day. 4 more info on my company, juz click here. Dun expect 2 see a photo of me. I am too new. Haha!

Realli pray tt thgs get better...

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 7/09/2004 11:08:00 PM

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Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Last Day Of Freedom
Juz dun understand one thing. When u are so lost, u wish for a path to be shown to u. Now it is shown to me, a path in the working society, I am so unwilling to face it. Tml shall be my first day at work. And as the mins start counting down, I am alr starting to cower in a corner. Wat is this supposed to mean?

I noe that to a certain point, I do want a job. Not that the job offer is bad, I am starting to feel like I do not want to work. The pay sort of sucks at the beginning I gotta admit, but the environment is good. I mean air con conditions, clerk job and a table of my own. That is really veri good.

Guess I am really overprotected in the past. Being a little more independent now sort of scares me. Am facing a lot of stress mainly from myself. Dunno I keep having the thots of not being able to do well. I mean I hve done pretty well in army. But these are complete 2 environments. Prob the shadow of my A? Levels still overpower me?

Guess I do not have enough support? Not really. My close group of family actually brought me out today to enjoy n sort of celebrate for me. Went for karaoke session at K-Box Paradiz Centre, had lunch cum dinner over at Little India. Took a few shots n manage post them up here. Was about to catch a show but due to the overwhelming crowd, seat were not available. Wat I am trying to say I got a lot of support. So wat else do I lack?

Karaoke Cum Dinner

An Afternoon Of Songs & Indian Food

Or is it connected with my character of not being flexible, that I dun accept changes so easily. Dun seems so. I am facing so many changes everyday n yet I am still surviving. Prob this change is a major one, the turning point in my life. Pretty much so, but it is are the better. So is my character the flaw?

No matter how I think n wrestle with my thots, juz cannot seem to convince and put my mind to ease. I noe it will come inevitably. But it is this part of me which is alr starting to run. I am really scare and still at a loss.

I noe the advice would to be shut up and juz work. As long I get the pay, wat else I want? Or juz be brave and face it tml, coz I will find out wat the job is actually about instead of making wild guesses. But there is always a but. I still cannot be satisfied with it.

All I noe tml is coming. Will I win the battle or I falter?

Time will tell.

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 7/06/2004 08:14:00 PM

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Monday, July 05, 2004
I Found A Job
Am I happy or not? I am and I am not. I am confused.

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 7/05/2004 09:23:00 PM

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Changes...
Did a few changes n updating into my blog this morning. Early morning.

Title, comment box, info blah! Hope it is 4 the better.

Might change the colours n layout prob.

Juz dun wanna change 4 the worse... Like the Friendster's website. 1st the stability sucks. Now the whole interface sucks too. Wonder wat are the administrators trying 2 do. At least now bloggger interface looks great. However, still pretty weak with its server stability.

Anyway, juz hope all out there will like the small changes I made.

p.s. got rid of the shoutbox in my sidebar n convert it 2 the link below in every entry. At least there is no need 2 scroll all the way down 2 add comments, or waste time keep loading it. Hope u all bear with it. Juz click on the link "Spell Warnings!".

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 7/05/2004 03:22:00 AM

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Sunday, July 04, 2004
Where Do I Go From Here?
Pretty boring day as usual. Guess after ord realli makes one rot. All one can do is go out, sit in front of the PC or rot in front of the google box. Tt's pretty much wat one can do. Realli gotta find a job soon.

Guess it is so much of talk but no actions again. Pretty lazy 2 actually step out of the house 2 go look 4 one. In fact, it shld b becoz juz dun like 2 "go on my knees" n beg" 4 a job. But if u dun do it, u can't realli expect much 2 get a decent or a good job.

However, juz thinking of the benefits of having a job is pretty enticing. 1st on the list is def the pay. Proves I am on the 1st step 2 independence n self-provision. In fact, funds r indeed getting low with my want list getting longer n longer. 2nd is tt at least I hve sth 2 do n not juz rot at home. Think I am alr covered with mould n mushrooms. Haha! 3rd is tt at least the utilities bills at home will decrease. Indeed it has been on the rise since I stay home clearing my off n leave. 4th is tt finally I can get 2 repay some of my debts. Not monetary but more on human favours I owe. Was thinking of giving a gd big treat 2 those who help me along the way. Top on the list will def go 2 my Aunt Jacqueline. Yep! The aunt who has always been there 4 me thick n thin. Then down 2 my mum, best friends n ex-boss. Pretty much like tt.

So wat if I am unable 2 enter Uni? At least I hve another route planned. Working pretty much is a more self-provision path 1st 2 life. Prob whn I hve enough, I shall try part time studies or full-time again. Def not overseas. Still got 2 much commitments here 4 me 2 leave. Tt's sth diff from others with me. These r the commitments which r juz tying me down. Nevertheless, guess this is all fate, sth which I hve long stop banging my head against the wall n accept it. Not wanna bring it out on blog air, this is sth juz personal which ppl close 2 me will noe.

Life sucks realli. Big time. But wat can I do? Fight or b eliminated, tt's the way in life. Not saying tt I am so strong all the time. I hve my downs too. Times where if not 4 many ppl ard me 2 support me, juz I b long drifting in the clouds. Haha! Another reason why finding work is so important 2 me now.

Was actually blaming God 4 not answering my prayers 2 enter a Uni. I guess it was juz a part of me wanting 2 b so like everyone. After their NS, enter the Uni of their choice, study under the support of their folks n come out with a certificate. I was so dying 2 b normal like everyone. In fact, whnever someone wld talk abt their acceptance in Uni, I wld b so bloody envious of them. "Oh I am entering engineering! I am entering teaching! I am entering law! I am going 2 b a doctor!" So many happy talks juz make me so wanna cry. Worse is tt all the best friends ard me r entering Unis. Me? I hve juz nothing. Wat 2 do? After so many tries n rejections, I realli sat down n think. Got my last reply from NTU yesterday. Still a "No". Juz can't help but go into the toilet n cry.

Cried realli bad yesterday till I received a call from my boss. He asked abt my well-being n how was I doing. Mainly, giving me a job offer. Juz wonder was this the answer from God, tt he wanted me 2 go a diff path by working 4 my studies? It is def sth diff n I dunno if I realli hve the courage 2 walk it. Say tt I am a coward. Watever! But I realli am. I mean thinking of it is def something I want till a certain extent, but doing it realli makes my legs weak.

I am still veri unsure of my route ahead though I did thot of it. Pretty well-planned IF all goes well. But if it does not, I realli dunno where I will land. The thot of tt juz makes me so sad. Add on 2 the rejections, still am feeling pretty bad. Juz hve not fig out evrythg yet. So much things 2 consider, so many burdens 2 carry n yet the road in front seems so bright n dark all at once.

Life is so contradicting, not 2 mention human emotions. Feeling so happy, yet so extremely sad. Wanting sth so much, but not brave enough 2 take it whn it comes. Dun think I wanna carry on talking. Feel ly crying again.

Juz prob leave the rest in the heart as an untold story.

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 7/04/2004 11:23:00 PM

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Saturday, July 03, 2004
Mild Food Poisoning
Dun look at me like tt. It's not tt I hve not fall ill or wat. I am also human like everyone. Not a freak, so dun b so bloody surprised.

Anyway, did mentioned in the previous entry tt I was suffering from "labour pains", ended up was sth more than it. Hehe! Believe it gotta do with my immune system n food intake. As I said b4, due 2 the lack of sleep n constant worries, been falling ill pretty frequently now. But at least now I am better.

I mean one shot n a day in the "old folks home" def solve the prob. Left now onli a small slight pain. Takes time 2 recover. Why old folks home??? I hve a perfect explanation 4 tt. Being warded tt nite with 2 aunties n 1 ah ma, wat u think? Haha! Thank God at least I spend most of my time slping. Hehe!

Anyway, realli can't help but mentioning the A&E hospital at nite is not even a bit peaceful. Juz say it is a 7-11 which opens 24hrs n with a crowd bustling with ppl like the morning wet market. It is juz terrible. If not 4 the condition I was in then, I realli doubt I cld get ANY attention. I mean it. There were so many cases which were in the waiting room, staff running all ard as if we were in a real life war crisis n casualities numbers were running like waterfall. It was terrible. Prob u all shld visit there 1 nite n experience the nite life there. Take it as a field trip. Haha!

Yep! But I feel sort of guilty 4 cutting the queue. Cld see a few unhappy faces. Not sure if it was of their conditions or were they unhappy becoz of me cutting queue. Anyway, did not hve the energy 2 even care then. I was not screaming n crying anything. I was not critical or dying. But def can see was in dreadful pain. Bloody doctor still poking at the abdomen n saying "pain or not?". Almost kicked him in the groin and ask him if it was pain or not. Shit guy!

With a few prescriptions, blood samples, tests, there came the shot. My! My! There I slept n found me in bed nxt morning. I wish it was a dream. Too bad! No such luck! With a needle stuck in the arm n the smell of anaesthetic filling the whole room, it is enough 2 remind me I was far from a bloody nightmare. Cld not realli sleep much after tt as the bed was def uncomfortable. Or shld I juz say not used with it. Plus, how 2 slp with a needle stuck in u? The moment u doze off n turn, the needle wld juz hurt like hell.

"How did u slp? how do u feel?", he still hve the nerve 2 ask this blistering doctor. Feel I cld unplug my needle n jab it in his ass. See how do he feel or slp with it. Fancy always asking nonsensical questions. Have so much of books clogged up his brains till he is devoid of human emotions?

Nvrtheless, at least the report was out pretty early n discharged earlier than expected. Dun think I ever want 2 go back there again. Anyway, realli I am quite well n kicking. Thanks 4 all the concern ard n even planning 2 come down visit. Thanks n I'll always remember it in my heart!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 7/03/2004 08:30:00 PM

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Thursday, July 01, 2004
Bloated!
Juz got back home from an outing with usual grp of family. Am feeling realli super bloated now. Not in the sense till I am goin 2 vomit, juz till my stomach feeling like it is goin 2 explode any moment. Ok, it is pretty bad actually. Been since during dinner all the way till now. Say give n take, 2 hours I guess. juz hope relaxing in front of my PC will help sooth the pain. Nite still too early 2 fall asleep. Besides, am waiting 4 my Angel 2 start.

Ok, muz b wondering why am I in such a condition now? Greed is all I can say. Dine in at Bugis Junction Fish & Co.. Was actually intending 2 order the usual seafood platter, but my other 3 pals did the same, ordering the seafood platter for 3. Ok, muz b wondering where is there such a dish for 3 person rite? It was a platter 4 one n another 4 two. 1+2, so make 3, get it? Yep! In order not 2 flood the whole meal n table with seafood platters, decide 2 order sth else. Got this super huge Swordfish Collar which was realli big 4 a peron's share. But the price was okay. Anyway, everyone had a hard time gorging down all the food. Guess the chatters makes things easier minus the jokes which I was realli trying a hard time not 2 laugh as not 2 aggravate my stomach. Guess it is serve me right.

Anyway b4 tt, caught the long awaited Spiderman 2. Guess 2 me it was alright. Actually I muz say it was pretty good 2 many, but not 2 me. It is my fault. Guess when u hve 2 high expectations 4 a show, it makes the show veri hard 2 surpass my excitement pt. Shows nowadays are also not tt great as b4. So usually with my high expectations, shows tt is realli good juz turns out alright. While those okay totally sucks 4 me. It is kinda of a character flaw of me, I guess. Nevertheless, will still advice ppl 2 go catch it.

Another thing is tt sequels always seems kinda boring. Yep! Guess the element of surprise is gone n expired in the veri 1st show. Guess onli Lord Of The Rings manage 2 keep up with it flow. Hmmm... this whole lot of words juz make me sound so like a movie critic expert. Ok, I am not. I am juz a average adult who likes the movie world. So do 4give me.

Ok, my stomach is def not getting better. I think I am realli goin into labour soon. Arghhh? PUSH!!! Haha! Ok, not 2 b disgusting, I shall stop here. Nite!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 7/01/2004 10:48:00 PM

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