//...Raging Fire Burn...\\

Matthew Goh I am...
Am Chinese Christian with a dying dialect, Foochow.
Evolved into 11 this April.
However,known to be 25 for legal reasons.
Am a Taurean from the 1997 batch of babies.
Born 27/04/1997 @ 0524hrs almost into a toilet bowl.
Thank God, brought 2 life in Toa Payoh Hospital.
Love making friends, but have juz a few close ones.
Am an out of the closet gay guy .
Looking around and still single.
ORDed on 26/06/2004.
As for now, am a Customer Service Officer for FarEastFlora.com.
Top it all up, am too a student in SHATEC.
Realli got too many hobbies 2 name.

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Name:- Matthew Goh

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Username / Email:- wetneooo / wetneooo@hotmail.com

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Email: wetneooo@singnet.com.sg

Mobile: +6598155837

Cheng San Kindergarten School
1988 - 1989

Da Qiao Primary School (P1-2, 2-2, 3-2, 4-3, 5-3, 6-2)
1990 - 1995

Ang Mo Kio Secondary School (Sec 1/3, 2/3, 3/3, 4/3)
1996 - 1999

Nanyang Junior College (OG 23, 1 CT 24, 1 CT 18, 2 CT 18)
2000 - 2001

Tekong BMTC School 2, Orion Coy, Platoon 3, Section 2, Bed 6
27th Dec 2001 - 16th Feb 2002

Ayer Rajar Camp, Ordnance Engineering And Training Institute, Electronics And Weapons Training Wing, Small Arms BTT 5
8 Feb 2002 - 4th May 2002

Nee Soon Driclad Centre, 6 Direct Support Maintenance Base, Armament Coy, Small Arms Platoon
6th May 2002 - 26th Jun 2004

Tristellar Enterprise, Sales & Logistics Coordinator AKA Account Manager
7th Jul 2004 - 5th Sep 2006

FarEastFlora.com Pte Ltd, Customer Service Officer
19th Sep 2006 -

SHATEC, Hotel Management, DHM408B
07th Apr 2008 -

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Saturday, January 31, 2004

Boy! Volcano Weather!

Suddenly 4 no reasons, the weather has once again gone 180 degrees of change. Now it is freaking hot! There muz really b sth dreadfully wrong with the weatherman. Haha!

Anyway, went back 2 camp 2dae. Wasn't tt bad as most of the heads were still not around. Help Sam with his CDO duty. Was pretty slack. Was supposed 2 run, however due 2 the new system of attendance taking, I could not join in the run. This was due 2 the fact I had 2 key in all the unknown status of the personnel who did not turn up in camp 2dae. Anyway, was pretty glad as I really dun wish 2 run 2dae.

Got pass time pretty easily 2dae with a pack of UNO cards with a group of friends. Lunch was also with Jon, Elvin & Wan Poo. Though it was short (Was late as I stayed back in the wkshp a while with my COS.), still manage 2 grab a bite of ice. Yep! Had ice-kachang. Reali needed it in such a freaky weather.

Supposed 2 meet up with Niu Lang 2dae, however decided 2 change plans as I was feeling pretty lazy due 2 the weather. Think I'll meet him tomo. 4 now, can get 2 slack @ home till Mon is Hari Raya in lieu of Sun.

Ok, dun wanna beat around the bush anymore. Juz end here early 2dae. Good dae!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/31/2004 06:46:00 PM

Friday, January 30, 2004

Slack Ur Dae Away

Can't believe 2dae was a dae where every superior is not around. Totally a men's day! Onli superior around was SSG Koh. Am glad he was around. Help me up with not onli the testing of my section's steyr, also many small matters around. Thanks a lot! Apparently, he was around due 2 the fact he was the DO 2dae. Hahaha!

Few units send in weapons 2dae anyway. But pretty disappointed with myself 4 not checking the weapons thoroughly. Ended up, we onli took in 1 barrel when 1 GPMG should have 2. Shows my incompetency. Sigh! Told u all I wasn't cut up 2 this IC crap. Sigh! Juz hope the unit keeps their words n send in the barrel on Tuesday, else I've lots of explaining 2 do.

Nothing much 2 talk 2dae. Juz log on as I am pretty bored now. Guess tt will b all. Tomo still need get up early 2 help Sam with his CDO duty. So guess it is goodbye again!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/30/2004 08:06:00 PM

Thursday, January 29, 2004

Pain In The Neck

Boy! This terrible pain in my neck the whole dae has been killing me. It is not juz an ache tt lasts, but one like a needle poking and poking non-stop. Affects my mood so badly 2 dae. Apparently, it is also my CDO duty 2dae and my duty as a conducting specialist 4 the IPPT 2dae. Thank God due 2 the rain, it was cancelled. As 4 the CDO duty, it was pretty easy. Glad CPT Don left early 2dae, so did not need 2 stay back 2 late. Hehe!

Also celebrated MSG Sivan's birthday 2dae. Ordered Canadian Pizza & ate the cake I bought yesterday. Though the portions were little, most pple enjoyed it. Most in the sense where some pple were pretty upset when certain pple juz grabbed the food w/o caring 4 others if they had their share. Pretty selfish I muz say, but wat can I do? @ least, we can c the true colours of certain pple.

Also this is the 1st dae where Jon sewed on his rank. Had a few jokes with his rank n Kenny. Haha! Fancy trying 2 buff it till it shines. Haha! Kenny, one super joker!

Still had been keeping my dist from him. Came 2 camp alone 2dae, partly I need 2 b slightly early 4 fatigue. Apparently, feel so tempted 2 tell him of my feelings n this blog. Dunno if it is due 2 this dist tt I am c-ing the true side of this friendship or is tt he is juz giving the hots now. Hope it is the latter. Actually, am looking realli 4ward 2 after Hari Raya 2 c the final verdict. But, I muz consider this really closely. It is only few daes. I muz not rush. Once again, I would like 2 apologize 2 u, Jon. I'm really really sorry!

Shall end short here 2dae. Nite!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/29/2004 07:51:00 PM

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

People's Birthday

Yah! 2dae apparently is the 7th day of the Chinese New Year. Wat is celebrated on this dae is People's Birthday. Started as a pretty boring dae. Cont on with an even more boring dae. Practically sit around the workshop waiting 4 the auditors 2 visit the workshop. Yap! 2dae there is also a safety cum security audit going around. We still did veri well with no findings in the end.

Noe why??? Nobody is working!?!?! So wat is there 2 find!?!?! Hahaha! The end of the dae was so much better. Went out with Chin Leng & Jeff 2 get yu-sheng 4 our section. Meant 4 the celebration. Apparently, only our section was the most happening. Despite after fall-out, a few other section members ask 2 join in the celebration. Man! Muz really thank God 4 such a great IC. If it was Ku By Lim, u can slowly wait till the cows come home. Hahaha! Yah! Everyone enjoyed the yu-sheng over coke.

On the way home, popped over 2 AMK Centre's Prima Deli 2 get a cake 4 tomo's birthday celebration. Apparently, MSG Sivan will b the birthday boy this Sat. Decided 2 do an early celebration 4 him. Great IC I muz emphasize again. Hehehe!

Home again. Once again, it is going 2 b bloody boring. Am still pondering on the friendship prob with Jon. Make me feel so close with the song, Faith by Celine Dion. Apparently from him, he and Kevin are trying 2 help me with my probs by providing a listening ear. Still can't help but feel tt this prob about the friendship should b dealt by me alone. In a sense, dun think it is appropriate since I been feeling the hots n colds by them. Dun understand wat am I talking also. Juz a complicated feeling. How about this?

When I face the colds from them, I will pull away. In turn, they will feel frustrated as they feel I have a prob but not willing 2 share with them. Prob due 2 the fact I am a close friend with them, tt's y they wanna help. But it is my feelings which tells me I am not such a close friend with them. So how 2 share a prob like tt if the prob lies within my heart? Can say I am a veri petty, sensitive and possessive guy. I am! All I told Jon was tt 2 leave this prob 2 me 2 handle. 2 faith in me tt I'll b able 2 handle this prob myself.

So the solution 4 me is 2 give myself some time. (Prob until after Hari Raya; apparently it will b a long break so hope can c by then!) I will try 2 b more independent n stay a dist away from them. Probably with this dist, I can c better if this friendship is really meant 2 last. Even if this dist, they try their best 2 stay close with me, then I can convince my heart tt they r realli meant 2 b. Prob by then, I'll share this blogsite with them. Else, it will juz remain as my personal site. Hope they will understand me.

Ok, will share the song on this site. Nite!

Don't be afraid
Feeling this way
I'm gonna make you understand (Hope u all understand tt this prob is sth I have 2 solve myself.)
It's not about you (It is a "my heart prob", not 2 do with u all.)
Cuz I am the fool
Building castles in the sand (I noe I think too much; a character flaw.)

If I act crazy
Just don't care (I will have my moods. Plz bear with me.)
It doesn't mean I don't want you near (I want u all near me. Tt's the whole story! I am possessive. But if it is not meant 2 b, I rather let u all go.)
This is the story about me and you
And it's called...

Faith
Right beside you is where I'll stay
Oh, faith
Just take me as I am (I am who I am. Dun try change my character.)
So please have faith (Yah! Have faith in me plz. Walk with me thru my prob even though I refuse 2 divulge it. I need ur support 2 convince my heart I am wrong 2 doubt u all)

So many times
In so many ways
I didn't know just where to go (Many times, I am lost. Lost as I doubt myself if I am goin the right path by accepting u all.)

You gave me a sign
And opened my eyes
That's the reason why I know

That you are different (Jon, apparently u are not so different as me, but I am more radical)
You're still here
I guess you figured me out right there
Now I believe that we can make it through
And that's called

Faith
Right beside you is where I'll stay
Oh, faith
Just take me as I am
So please have faith

Have faith...
So don't be afraid
To feel this way
Just hear me out ...stay! (Yah! I want u all 2 stay. Help me convince my heart I am wrong.)

And that's called...
Faith
Right beside you is where I'll stay
It's not too late
Just take me as I am
So please have faith in me

Right beside you is where I'll stay
It's not too late
Just take me as I am
So please
Have faith

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/28/2004 09:12:00 PM

Monday, January 26, 2004

My Heart Can't Go On

Apparently, I can't really have the heart 2 end this blog after so much effort I 've put in. Also, I can't really walk back into the life I had b4. I dun wanna 2 live thru such suffering again. So, thot of a way by ending my previous blog n starting it on a new web add.

I am not walking back into my old life. This website will b kept only by me n only under my knowledge. Till I'm ready 2 face the world again, I might consider spreading my web add around again. 4 now, this shall b my personal web. If someone I noe should find this site by accident, then fate has decided 4 me. Then shall I decide wat 2 do.

Apparently, ended this blog due 2 i major reason. This friend of mine, Jon. Can't really write it b4 as he was one of the few pple who reads my blog. Dunno how 2 tell him in words. Juz feel he is one character I can't help but feeling close with. But his constant hot n cold attitude really drives me crazy. He can b close, sharing with u his thots n secrets. While another moment, he will pull so far till u msg him, it is literally talking 2 a wall. U see him online, u become a ghost. Makes u feel important, n also unwanted. The reason why I say he is my half close friend. Sth I can't define.

Can't tell him this. If he should change juz becoz of wat I say, it is not sincere. Apparently, I dun think this friendship will last. Only thing I am afraid which is holding on 2 this friendship is army. Scard if I ORD, this bond will b gone. I dun think I can take tt blow. So 2 save me the pain, am trying 2 pull out of this friendship asap. I am still struggling with my decision. Today, he seems so close 2 me. I really dunno wat 2 think tomo. I live in costant fear of losing a close friend. A friend, I can take it, not a close one.

Many a times, I've cried over this matter 2 myself. I've talk n pyscho myself, yet 2 no avail. I really dunno wat 2 do. So, end this blog, hope 2 escape this virture cycle.

Partly the reason, I think I've come too clean with myself on this web. Apparently, least effort is needed 2 know me. It is superficial, as I said b4. Believe it is the effort one used 2 find out a friend which makes the bond more valuable, more stronger. Apparently, think those around who reads my blog gains my friendship too easily. Feel unsecure as we are based on a very fragile friendship. We know each other only thru blog words, no effort.

Sigh! I know it is very confusing. It is my character. One's character is not so simple 2 b put in words. Nvm, I understand is fine with me. Anyway, no one is reading this blog except me for now. Nite, Matthew!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/26/2004 10:42:00 PM

Sunday, January 25, 2004

Omega: The Last Blog

Been 2 church 2dae. Did a lot of thinking. Not tt I'm not paying attention. Juz 2 many things in my head.

Felt ly I've been living in a dreamworld 4 the past many mths. Tentatively such experiences should b great n freedom. However, mine is not. Apparently I went thru so many changes in my life till I lost count of them. In fact, I dunno who am I now. 2 gain oneself n 2 lose another. Living out this new life is definitely not 4 me. I had a taste of wat's life goin 2 b n I dun ly one bit of it. It was this new personality which I was trying so hard not 2 b last time, is the veri thg I am now. It is wat tt brought me into this mess 2dae. Nvr have I so many prob. It is scaring me. Starting 2dae, I'm goin turn my whole life back round.

2 start, I shall mark an end 2 this blog. Originally I started this blog was due 2 a change I was trying achieve in sch. Was trying sth new on the Net then. I came out of it. Recently, or not so recent, I started this due 2 a friend mainly. Yep, this friend whom I knew recently, or not so recent. Partly the reason was also 2 try challenge myself 2 gain a new skill. Believe I've gained my basic knowledge in website designing. So, it's not all a loss.

I am a person with secrets. I've live perfectly well b4. With this blog, juz find my life 2 public. It is not right. Pple who befriends me by reading my blog understands me 2 easily. There is no true effort used 2 uncover or discover. It is the element of personal finding out n discovering new things which strengthens a friendship. This blog way is too superficial. Beside, I believe a person's personality is too complex 2 b express in words. Those who thought they can uncover me thru a blog, they r wrong. It 's juz the tip of the iceberg.

So my friends, or so-called friends out there, u wanna noe me, let's adopt the old method. I am not any SNAG. I am the traditional petty, jealous, over-sensitive soul. I am Matthew, juz Matthew. Dun try 2 change me. I am who I am. Accept me as who I am. If u dun ly me, u can go 2 hell. Then fate n nature has already rolled their dice. The winners r already set. Apparently, we r not meant 2 b. Sorry a bit crude n cruel, but tt's the way life is 4 me. I am ly a present. I have my gd & bad pts. U muz accept me as a whole. I will always b Matthew, the basic fundamentals of me muz stay.

So much so 4 a new era, guess not only gd thgs comes 2 an end. I've been Matthew the sch routine blog, Matthew the army prob blog. I wonder wat sort of Matthew will I b.

I've nothing more 2 say. The moment I take this new route, I can't afford 2 turn back anymore. Else, I'm afraid I'll not make it till the end. This new path now looks more friendly 2 me, with pple I been so close with, next 2 me. Shall end this era with a sad but hopeful song. One which too marks the end of the 100th episode of Charmed. Goodbye To You by Michelle Branch.

Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with (Yep, put the past behind me.)
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul (My fundamental character, totally buried. Now I found it.)
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you (Looks ly there is still lots of getting use 2 b done.)
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time (I'll b firm on my decision now. No turning back.)

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew (BYE BYE OLD LIFE!!!)
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star

So, guess this is the final goodbye. Will update only when absolutely necessary. So long 2 all out there, blessed be!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/25/2004 11:09:00 AM

Saturday, January 24, 2004

I'll Blame It On The Weatherman

Apparently, I'm updating my blog early 2dae. Dun think anythg eventful will turn out again. Or should rephrase myself. I hope nothing eventful will occur 2dae again. Think I've enough 4 1 dae.

Had my SAT 2dae. Man! The verbal was killer! Either all 5 choices seems wrong, or all 5 choices seems right. Can't help but leaving it blank. (Can't afford 2 choose as a wrong ans will result in a deduct of marks. Leaving it blank was the only full-proof solution.) Think I left a record high no. of blanks this time. But tt wasn't the depressing thg. It was the time delay. Supposed 2 start @ 8am, it started @ 9.30am. Supposed 2 end @ 11am, ended @ 2pm. SICK! I can even do the test twice! No joke! Apparently, Daniel and I were the guinea pigs of this new system. (Took this test togehter with Daniel; we can't help but feeling sucky after the test.) This is the 1st time, SAT is conducted in such a mass scale. Over 2K of pple. (Apparently, we were looking 4 chiobu b4 the start of the test. Daniel found 1 two seats away. Called her "ah-lian with eyeshadow". Hahaha!) Even the 5mins toilet break had 2 b extended 2 facilitate the whole student population. SHITTY! Ended up, even the ladies had 2 use the gents 2 speed up the queue process. Wat is this world coming into? The unisex bathroom in Ally McBeal???

Next on the list is including the day b4, I am down 2 major prob. So guess I am juz juggling with 1 minor work prob. FAT HOPE! After 2dae, think I am up with another personal prob. This one DEFINITELY MAJOR! Once again, not up 2 my call or control. All I do now is wait. Also, am waiting is juz 1 reply. Sigh! Dun life sucks! It is surely sth 2 do with the weather.

Been pouring the whole day already since it started yesterday noon. Make the environment in the hall this morning so bloody cold. Dun understand how 2 think straight. Add on the stress, heard many of my camp mates manage 2 cling high scores in their SAT. Giant with 1300+, Rahul with 1300+, Weixiong with 1300+ too, Jon with 1200+. Suddenly I feel the senior batch has become so bloody stupid. All we could cling is 1100+. SICKENING! If this time I don't make it, I seriously goin 2 write a petition into collegeboard and burn down their company.

Ok, 2 summarize everything 2dae, 2 major probs down. Left on hand, 1 major personal prob n 1 minor work prob. Seems quite pleasing, I guess. Ok, shall end here with the song from my title. Blame It On The Weatherman, performed by the long gone band B*witched. Like this song esp since it was played on the 2nd episode of season 5's Charmed. Enjoy and nice day readers!

It's just one more day
No one said
There would be rain again
Won't blame it on myself
I'll blame it on the weatherman

Get away for a while
Here I am out on my own again
Won't blame it on myself
I'll blame it on the weatherman

Standing on the shore
Calling out your name
I was here before
I could see your face
Only clouds will see
Tears are in my eyes
Empty like my heart
Why do ya say goodbye

The rain goes on (on and on again)
The rain goes on (on and on again)
The rain goes on (on and on again)

Alone I can hear
Hear our song
Playing for me again
Won't blame it on myself
Just blame it on the weatherman

Standing on the shore
Calling out your name
I was here before
I could see your face
Only clouds will see
Tears are in my eyes
Empty like my heart
Why do ya say goodbye

The rain goes on (on and on again)
The rain goes on (on and on again)
The rain goes on (on and on again)

Maybe it's too late
Maybe it's too late to try again
Maybe I can't pray
Maybe I can't wait
Maybe I can't blame the weatherman

The rain goes on (on and on again)
The rain goes on (on and on again)
The rain goes on (on and on again)

Oh blame it on the weatherman

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/24/2004 03:59:00 PM

Friday, January 23, 2004

This Is What I Call New Year

Apparently, I enjoyed myself quite a lot 2dae. Muz juz briefly go thru the events as I need 2 get 2 bed early, or sort of, as I am taking my SAT tomo. Need as much rest as possible 4 a clear mind tomo.

So 2 start the dae, got my daily dose of Charmed. Not tt I nvr had it b4, but it has been a while since I last caught it. Prob tt's the factor which made me feel gd 2dae. Think I am beginning 2 agree with Kevin who said the mood of the dae depends on how I start it. Think it is quite true. But, the events which follow are undoubtingly happy 4 me.

So, when out visiting 2 2WO Lui's house with Rayson in the afternoon. Got a bit holland with the bus service there. But manage 2 reach there in 1 piece. The crowd this yr compared 2 last yr is definitely much lesser. Nevertheless, the atmosphere was there. Can name out those I saw. MSG Tan Kok Neng, MSG Tang Loon Bian, SSG Ng Yong Chong & fam, Durai & wife, Samantha & partner, Jasmine, Tony, Hoon, Kang, Kumar, Weihua, Kok Seng, Rayson, Vijay and lastly, Keng Siang. Quite a healthy crowd anyway. Ate quite a lot of titbits I muz say n played blackjack too. Didn't won any as usual. (Luck is always down on me when I bet little; thank God 4 yesterday's earnings.)

From there, Weihua sent me a ride 2 Tiong Bahru where I took a train down 2 meet my close family @ Dhoby Ghaut. Since we 1st met in JC, nvr once did we fail 2 meet up during Chinese New Year. This yr shall not b an exception. My niu lang & Peici were always early as usual. Haha! Caught The Last Samurai which I muz say, is a pretty gd show. If this show would 2 teach me sth in life, it is 2 nvr give up & follow my heart, even if it means death. But juz understand how this show got a PG rating after all the bloodshed & gruesome scenes while Kill Bill got an RA rating. Weird!

Then, after the show, headed 2 Swensen's 4 dinner. Had their speciality, US Catfish. Taste pretty gd though I muz admit, all the servings seems 2 shrunk a lot while the prices inflate. Will not go 4 this type of meals during festive seasons again. Though the whole meeting was short, I enjoyed the company a lot. Nvr seems 2 get tired. Love my close friends.

So off I go home and now @ home typing my blog, which I muz soon put an end 2 if I want 2 catch any sleep. Will talk more in tomo's blog. Nitey!

p.s. Am really glad tt 1 of my prob's was solved yesterday immediately after I finished my blog. It is the personal one. The solution was all 1 sms. Thank God! Prob explains my mood too.

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/23/2004 11:32:00 PM

Thursday, January 22, 2004

Millennia Hotel Dine-In

Never heard tt hotel before in Singapore huh? Guess where is it? Yes, it is the city. Actually it is Ritz. Yep, had my dinner there with all my relatives 2dae. But left earlier 4 home. Can't stand the high class thingy where one got 2 dine in perfect etiquette & style. What eating cannot this, cannot tt. Wonder am I eating or watching my manners more. Even lao-ing the yu sheng gotta b in style. Muz b high, yet with table manners. HOW??? Beat me! Answer phone call still muz go away from the table. Ended up, I keep going 2 the toilet. Once again, almost got into a fight with mum. 4get it!

Left the hotel by saying I got another appointment. So sick of the place till got 2 leave the place by cab. Muz leave as fast as possible. Can't stand the sight of it. Nvr am I going 2 there again. Still pple will think how lucky I am 2 b able 2 dine in such ambience, such style. They don't noe the amt of pain I had 2 go thru. They don't noe the hidden suffering 4 such ironic luxury.

Early morning, had 2 go out visiting. Manage get quite a handful of red packets. Let's not get into detail. Quite enjoy those visits anyway though I muz say, it was a little rush. Then, about 3+, had 2 rush down 2 Peter's & Guys 2 style my hair. Did not want 2 cut my hair though, so juz style and dye it a little (not permanent anyway.). Rush back home 2 change & once again down 4 the miserable nite function.

Don't understand humans. Y go thru so much effort & pain 2 look gd when they can dress in normal style and enjoy more. Guess thinking of it juz make me sick. Did not really eat much juz now even though the food was pretty tasty. Wasn't in the mood since still a lot of prob in my heart. Sigh! One is family. Two is work. Three is personal. At least the work one is a trivial matter. There is nothing much I can do bout it anyway. The family one is complicated. Dun really noe how 2 handle it. Guess running away 4 now might b the ans. The personal one is 2nd most troubling. There's a solution and am waiting 4 the moment. But not up to my call or control. Simple but delicate prob. Sigh!

Nvm, let's hope tomo will b better. Not really in the mood 2 write much 2dae. Juz cont with my d/l of MTV. Good nite and Happy Chinese New Year! Quoting the phrase which brought me some smiles yesterday. "Tis the season 2 b jolly!" Sounds more like Christmas, but fits the season. Hahaha! Thanks Weixiong!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/22/2004 09:23:00 PM

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Broken Union

Can't help but feeling absolutely lousy 2dae. Know tt it affected a lot of pple around me. Sorry! Did not even feel a bit in the celebration mood. So juz stayed in the wkshop thru out the whole celebration in the mess.

Dismissal was pretty early 2dae. We were released @ 11am. Was supposed 2 go home with Jon. However, did not. Juz do not want 2 go home so early 2 face 4 empty walls. So, juz took different bus rides all around Singapore, hope 2 lighten up a bit. Juz got back in the house anyway. 4 empty walls. Guess juz whip up some instant noodles will b enough 2nite.

Felt so bad after last nite. Had a great fight. Ended up, dun think there will b any reunion this yr. Looks like this will b the 1st yr where I'm going 2 spend it alone. Feeling like a nobody's child. So like crying.

Also felt so bad about this morning, where Kevin and Jon tried so hard 2 cheer me up. However, they keep thinking it was the See Prob. He is the least of my prob.

To this kind soul out there (u should noe who r u), stop trying 2 uncover & solve all my prob. I have more prob than u can handle. These are not puzzles, but genuine prob. There is no cheat codes nor guide books. It is not so easily solvable as matter @ heart is very complicated. U have already done ur part by accepting me as ur friend and providing this shoulder 2 lean upon. For this, I'm already totally indebted 2 u. Dun try 2 provide more help as I really dunno how 2 repay u back. I owe u so much, yet u still keep giving. Yet u noe u helping me, will not only coz u more prob, but also a a lot of unnecessary effort. But do u noe, it might also sour this friendship. Believe u muz b super pissed off with me now 4 this attitude. Precisely this is wat I'm saying. U are a really really good bro 2 me, n definitely want 2 keep this bond. Since my dad leave, on additional 2 last nite, I definitely can't take another loss.

Really @ a big loss of words now. Dunno wat 2 say. Shall wind up here.

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/21/2004 05:01:00 PM

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Power Super Duh!

Don't really know how 2 describe 2dae. Can't really say it's gd. Nor it's bad. Juz say, both good & bad balanced out on the scales 2dae. Juz let me go step-by-step.

First, went super early 2 camp 2dae as I am super garang. Yah! Like real. Juz tt Jon is the COS 2dae. Stands 4 Company Orderly Sergeant. Yes, very ironic when the person doing it is only a Corporal. Haha! Welcome to the army! And YES, this brother of mine is a Corporal, not Private. Juz that in disguise. Haha! OK, back to topic. Was super surprised 2 see Kevin so early on the way to camp. Can't believe my eyes. Must b a mirage; joking!

Second, had CO Parade too this morning. The reason y we have 2 open the workshop so early. Compared 2 the any other parades, this is definitely the slackest of all. Had a short drill section and inspection by RSM, 1WO Mano after tt. Again, bloody chicken feet. All we did was turn rounds, attention and come 2 ease. THAT'S ALL! Told you all we're super slack. Haha! Anyway, the inspection, I muz comment. Y is it always when it comes 2 inspection, RSM don't want 2 inspect me? He did not even take a look @ my attire and skip pass me. Like as if I was invisible or wat. I am not perfect, alright? Should really try 2 leave long hair 4 once and see if he notices. Don't really want people 2 start rumors tt RSM is bias on me. That will b wat I will say if others get the same treatment as me. Not tt I am unhappy with it. Glad he trust me, but try 2 b fair I hope. Sigh! Think you all muz b wondering if I am mad. I think I should b.

Thirdly, did not touch any weapons 2dae. Sort of felt I let my section down. Though I muz say there is not much work. Juz feel w/o this parade thingy, could b there 4 the section. Anyway, like MSG Sivan will say, the section will still function. So guess life moves on.

Fourthly, like I said b4, went down 2 Suntec with 2LT Tong Cai 4 the Logistic Colours Dine In Parade Rehearsal. Felt it was a total wasted trip. They wanted 2 orderlys, but they did not reserve a place 4 us 2 eat on the actual day. On the whole, no lunch nor dinner was prepared 4 us. Once again, like I said b4, Welcome to the army! Ended up, they decided 2 do away with the whole orderly thingy. Good in the sense, 1 less job. Bad in the sense, they still wanted us 2 stay and see them rehearse. So, sat there & freaking hell, watched them rehearse, sing dance, play blah! Got so bored till went with the medic 2 shop around Suntec. Apparently, did not meet any familiar faces, else will dig a hole and bury myself in it. Fancy shopping in no.4. CYBER! Was thinking of falling out early 2dae, ended up got home even later. Step in the house @ 1930. Freaky! Thank God I am out!

Lastly, went down 2 the nite market with my mum juz now. Can't believe it was even more crowded than the morning market. Money going up, goods going down. Hands going left and right. Pple going up and down, customers going left and right. Ended up got stuck in between all these pple. Don't understand how pple can shop in this type of environment. Even NTUC was not spared. Pple go here, goods go there. Cartons fly here, baskets fly there. Bloody chaotic. Literally all hell broke loose. Hahaha! Singaporeans are juz like tt. Whenever cheap or free things, all will crowd there. Typical Singaporeans. Sigh!

Such a long blog, so many complains. Even my brain so painful from thinking so much. Think I will end here. WAIT! Not b4 saying sth, SHOUTBOX SUCKS! Can't seem 2 del tt freaking porn msg posted by dunno who the F***. Don't understand what the F*** the del button is 4 when it does not get rid of the msg. Plus F*** the guy who wrote tt in my shoutbox. So free till nothing 2 do, muz deface my blog. Curse him like I never curse b4. Curse him if he do not apologise 2 me by this week, he will get a mth of diarrhoea with blood. Curse him tt the fleas of thousand camels infest his ass and his arms grow 2 short 2 scratch it. F*** him!

Ok, shall end here. Nitey! I am still angelic alright? Hehehe!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/20/2004 09:49:00 PM

Monday, January 19, 2004

Drenched Mood

Was supposingly to feel very happy today due to yesterday big splurge. Ended up, felt otherwise. Probably due to the rain that started during the afternoon till now.

Today was like any other day, just not so like any other day. Sounds a bit oxymoron. Which brings me to another memory I had during the shopping trip with Weixiong and Jon. Was having dinner at Ikea when Jon made a comment on something contradicting. Don't really remember what was it. But he flared up the moment I used the term "oxymoron" on him. Left Weixiong and me totally stunned. What he retorted to me was that I was also like him before, having his condition of acne and there was no need to laugh at him about it. Totally out of the topic. Apparently, he thought the term "oxy" was something to do with the face. The term "moron", well it is self-explanatory. Okay, to all out there, Oxymoron is a figure of speech in which contradictory terms are combined. Got it? Good. Get back to topic.

Where was I? Okay, started off the day where I should meet Jon at the normal 73 bus stop. Ended up due to my late arrival, we had to move over to the 159 bus stop to catch the alternate bus, in fear of being late. Ended up, we had to rush back again as we saw another 73 bus approaching the original bus stop. Early morning must run marathon. Sickening! Hahaha!

The rest of the day was pretty normal. Weapons came in and out they go again. People went around, trying all ways to tuan. Nothing much. Oh yah! All the fishes died anyway. Read my previous blog to find out the sad story of the goldfishes. Made the whole toolstore sour. Felt it was totally our fault. SIGH! Event he toilet after that turned sour as they flushed down the carcasses there. SIGH!!! Seems like today wasn't a very good day after all. Never mind, pray tomorrow will be better. End off here with a song from Charlotte Church. An unreleased track only found in few albums of her Enchantment album. About when loving someone, do not be afraid of anything. Just follow your heart and that will lead the way. Felt the same theory lies in the way of life. If your heart tells you to do it, follow it. Do not doubt it. High chances are you will achieve it. Feel like am many a times doubting my heart and restricting myself. Guess I will follow my heart more often. So to all out there, enjoy It's The Heart That Matters Most.

Time to spread some hope,
Make the spirits rise
Do you see the wonder in their eyes?
Time to speak of love
Hold each other close
Cause it's the heart that matters most

It's still the same old moon
Why does it shine so bright?
There's a little magic in the air tonight
Time to speak of love
Hold each other close
Cause it's the heart that matters most

Always the heart that matters most

Oh, take a look around you can see that it's true
It's like a river flowing inside of you
Everyone needs love, you need it too
So here what you, have got to do

Spread a little hope, make the spirits rise
Do you see the wonder in their eyes?
Time to speak of love, hold each other close
Cause it's the heart that matters most

In time we come to learn
It's the heart that matters most

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/19/2004 08:28:00 PM

Sunday, January 18, 2004

699 Harley Davidson

Must say today was a total rush for time. So many things packed in a day's schedule. Really gotta take my hat off myself. This is what I call time management! Hahaha!

So woke up pretty early today to rush down to my nearby Shop & Save by 9am to do some pick-me-up for my baking session today. Had to prepare some cookies and brownies for sample for my aunt. Sort of advertising it to her friends. Need an alternate source of income. Hehe! Anyway, manage to finish everything by noon just before the arrival of my aunt.

Had lunch with her out at town by different bite-size titbits from stores around. Was visiting all the boutiques from Metro Paragon to Takashimaya. Manage to got a new violet-greyish suit from Calvin Klein. So got a matching tie, tie pin and cuff links from Mont Blanc. So my dinner function for the first night is settled.

Best buy was from the Harley Davidson store along Alexandria Road. The reason for the transfer of place was that the store at Takashimaya did not have my size. Tried so many sizes and designs till I was so paiseh. Lastly, still got my original choice. My $699 Harley Jeans! Man! It was definitely worth the buy! Wearing it was totally different. It is like wearing a gold mine between my legs. Hahaha! Also got this matching tight-fit shirt from the same place to go with my jeans. So guess I am done with my 1st day's attire.

Went down to Tanglin Mall after that, but was pretty disappointed with the designs. Nothing really caught my eyes. Sigh! Looks like I still need to something to wear for my second day's celebration. Probably might need go down to Topshop on the eve. Hope will be able to get something decent by then.

Went home after that with my aunt. Had a normal dinner at home cause we were too tired to dine outside after the shopping trip. Must say today am feeling pretty tired as I just did a few touching up at home with the spring-cleaning. But still very happy over the great buys today. Must say I spend about 2K+ today. On the other hand, my aunt spent 5 times as much. So on total, think there is about 13K charge on her credit. Must really take my hat off her. 1 shopping trip, so much money down the drain. Hahaha! Want to thank her for everything.

Ok, think I end my blog here. So many figures, think you all out there are about to beat me up. Hahaha! Need to pack up for tomorrow's workday. Back to work again. Nitey people!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/18/2004 07:56:00 PM

Saturday, January 17, 2004

So Much So For Not Shopping

Wasn't on any duty yesterday. Just got home so late that was unable to update my blog. So guess I do it one shot today.

Yesterday started off like any other day. Work was little, so I just work on the tripod alone. After all, I was like the only one in my section who does have at least some assembling knowledge on it. There were component repairs which the guys handle it very well. Must say that I'm real glad they are absolutely able to work independently. Totally no worries.

Like I said before, work was little, so my section decided to help wash up the fish tank in the workshop. Not knowing what disaster was about to happen. Anyway, the water was super murky due to prolong negligence. Anyway, we spend about an hour changing and washing up the fish tank. The water I must say is definitely very clear after that. However, the goldfishes seem sicker than before. Very soon, many were performing aqua dancing. They were swimming with styles you will never seen before. It was really funny sight, but also very sad to know that we were directly linked to their demise. Oh dear! To think MSG Sivan actually put in so many years of efforts to feed those fishes to such a big size, with one sweep, all are actually migrating to fishy heaven.

So angry that within such a tense situation on trying our best to save those fishes, that KU BY LIM must make so many stupid comments. Felt so like slapping him. Help don't want to give, just stand beside making all those nonsensical comments. Anyway, we tried our best by even moving them into the toolstore's fish tank. From there on, it is all up to their fate. But definitely there will be casualties. Sigh! Really seems like our goodwill is totally evil. SIGH!

Moving on from the workshop, went out with Wei Siong and Jon to Queensway to shop for our New Year Clothes. Dine in at Ikea first where we met our Meiling-Jie. Anyway, the food at there was not as tasty as before. Seems like the food was cooked in the morning and served only then. Sort of cold, but guess the company balanced it all out. Went for our shopping at Queensway Shopping Centre after that. I only manage to grab 3 tops and 1 pants. None were really of the New Year material, I must admit. But am still happy with my buy for camp wear. Later moved on to the nearby McDonald's for a chat till 11pm where we headed home. Am glad to reach home just before midnight.

Not to mention, also felt so much lighten after a heart to heart talk with Jon on the way home. Must really say Jon is of really a great listener and advisor. But I must say my character is really stubborn. Don��t really want to elaborate much on it, as much of the talk is very personal. Just say, we are clearer on each other's character. Sort of.

Today woke up slightly late than usual, as I did not need to return to camp. Am supposed to meet up at Funan IT Mall to visit the nearby Hill Street's Fire Station. The visit was sort of educational till some point. Few points of interest were the pole-sliding demo which definitely was real cool. Too bad, we are not allowed to try it out due to safety reasons. We were also allowed to try out their aerial ladder which there were only 2 in whole of Singapore. It has the ability of sending its riders up to the height of 80 stories high in a small carriage. Manage to go on the ride with Wei Siong which I must say only lasted a minute or so. Though I did not believe that we actually hit that high, we had a really great view and experience over the whole city. My! The view from the top was definitely breathtaking. Too bad my brother Jon couldn't join us for it. Believed he would have enjoyed this part. Told you regimental duties suck! Hahaha!

So we fell out from there. Went shopping with Wei Siong again. Think I am really addicted to shopping, though I must say my taste in clothes is really of great difference from his and Jon. Only Bernie shares the same taste as me I must say. Anyway, did not got anything due to the lack in designs and high prices. Only at our last stop to Topshop where I manage to find something fitting to my eyes. There was this shirt which costs $66. The more we buy, the higher discount will be. Too bad, don't really think I am going to get it. Bit low in funds after last night's spree. There was also this jeans which worth $79. Think this is worth the buy but think I must really think before buying. Made a reservation with Wei Siong anyway that if we should be unable to obtain something presentable by Tuesday, we'll go down again to get our pieces from there. Think I better spend some quality time to consider on the purchase.

Think I have nothing more to add. Just sign off here. Take care and nitey!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/17/2004 09:24:00 PM

Thursday, January 15, 2004

Mr. Target Practice

Was supposed to be feeling super happy today. Went outstation with Jon, Giant, Bernie, Sabestian, Henry, Jimmy and Kharihul. First time travelling to so many places in a day. Jurong Camp 3DSMMC, Ayer Rajar Camp GSMB, Singapore Technologies Electronics and Army Logistic Base. Meet Mdm Norsiah at GSMB who was so kind to give us a treat. Also Chaowei at Jurong Camp doing guard duty. And also my attached RQMs @ 54 SAB, 2WO Jesu.

Seems like a very good day right? All must be spoilt with one silly arrow. Appointed by 1WO Mano again to be the Flag Orderly for the upcoming Logistics Colours Dining Parade. Don't really know what is it for. But it must be sure very big to involve the drawing of no.2 dress code.

Feeling totally sick, totally despaired, totally loss of words to describe my feelings. Almost cried. The tears were already welding up at the edge of my eyes. However, still got to be strong and hold back. Thanks for Jon for his words of encouragement, but saying the truth, I really needed somebody to hug and cry to.

Too bad I'm in the army. I'm a guy. There are constraints. Tried so hard to hold back the tears and put on a smile for the rest of the trip. Even manage to control myself all the way in the workshop. However, really can't hold back the tears when on the trip home. Guess I'm not strong enough. Oh! How I am going face the workshop tomorrow. Really got to overcome this by tonight.

Still must thank God at least my mum is not around. Manage to let out my tears without anyone around. Now feeling slightly better. Just not really ready go back workshop tomorrow. Probably if I bury myself in work tomorrow, might be better.

Really don't understand myself at times. Feel I hate myself so much, so much, so much.

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/15/2004 07:55:00 PM

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

Brain Demon

Work today was really till the bare minimum. So little till I was given no work by MSG Sivan. Could see that he was trying real hard to find something for us to do today. For me, as usual, he did not want me to work, he told me he will brief Seow Ping-Jie separately. Hahaha! Actually, all he wanted us was to sit down and talk with him. Hahaha! I like this IC. He should know I couldn't sit down for long.

Noontime, went out with Seow Ping-Jie, Elvin, Chin Leng, Jon and Giant to Chong Pang Village to shop for food. This is used to stock up our sectional rations for the Chinese New Year. Bought really a lot. Think definitely will grow fat. Hahaha! Anyway, can't help but notice the lasting durian smell in Seow Ping-Jie's car. Was told by her it had lasted a whole week. Hahaha! Pitiful!

Anyway, went back to camp and started on the brain stressing puzzles. These puzzles (metal rings that can be tactfully removed and put together.) were really tricky especially for 1 of them, made up of a ring and two 3D-U shaped rings. Really found the answer to that really frustrating. Such a cheapo!!! Believe that was the only answer. Anyway, manage to solve them all including one cube puzzle. At the expense of God knows how much brain cells. Poor brain. Hahaha!

Can see I am pretty in a good mood today. Yah, cause it is the season finale for Charmed. Just still disappointed with last week as my mum forgot to record it. In fact still feeling slightly sad as I never failed to record an episode of Charmed. Except for that particular one. Am still trying to find someone who actually recorded that down. Still fruitless. Hope there might be a kind soul out there who sees my plight. Sigh! Was thinking of downloading it. But after the size of the file, gave up the idea. Sigh! Any more bright ideas? Now, getting sad already. Nah! Not going to let that affect my mood for tonight's Charmed.

Ok, think I'll end here. Get ready for my Charmed. Ok, to all out there, blessed be!

p.s. Can't believe something. My blog has become SO PUBLIC!!! If you would to type "wetneooo" in the google's search engine, you will get 6 results. ALL 6 ARE RELATED TO ME!!! How shitty can that be??? Not to mention, one of the results even include my REAL ADDRESS!!!! ARGHH!!!! How??? What to do??? BLOODY SHIT!!!!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/14/2004 08:35:00 PM

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Security ??? Seminar

Attended a security seminar held at Mandai Hill Camp today. Transport was provided so travelling wasn't much of a chore. Just the return trip was all on our own. Can't believe that the place was so BLOODY ULU. Only one bus at its gate. No matter have posh the camp could be, I still wanna thank God for not posting me there. By bus, think I will reach home by 8pm. Hahaha!

Anyway, the place was indeed really very new. But still, it is a typical army camp. So wasn't much of a big hu-ha. What really caught my eye was the toilet. Looks nothing like an army toilet, but a public shopping centre's. Quite impressed. But it will only be time then it will lose its grandness. Why? It is the army.

The talk or so-called seminar sucks. Just felt a total waste of time. The only thing I could remember for the whole time was how Jon, Joel, Kevin, Kenny and me had to sit on the steps of the super small auditorium. At least, we were able to really stretch ourselves and lie down to sleep. Probably one of the advantages. Anyway, back to topic, I learned nothing. COMPLETELY NOTHING! Don't understand why I was even there to go through such time wasting stuff. But like before, everything can be explain pretty easily. We are in the army. This is what army is about. Doing things which are totally waste of time just because they want to go through the motion of it.

Sigh! Can't believe I whacked the seminar so badly till it is worth nothing. Man! It is fact. For all it is worth, at least we get to go home very early. So probably from another angle, it is a blessing in disguise. Hahaha! Ok, enough of beating around the bush. Think at this rate, the bush is already bare. Shall end here today.

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/13/2004 06:28:00 PM

Monday, January 12, 2004

SEE-ster Act

Really cannot tahan this 3SG See. Feel so like killing myself. Don't really know if he is really SO MORONIC or THAT STUPID. I am sorry. Usually I don't scold people like that. For him, it is definitely an exception. The way he acts is absolutely nothing like a grown. He is so much older, so much senior, yet he makes me feel like a father to him. I don't say I detest him, but his actions and words never fail to embarrass me. Not say I care so much about face, but why must he always make a joke and I become part of the central of attraction for Kevin, Kenny and Jon??? Sigh! Even MSG Sivan also take his hat off him. Can't really write out on the blog of all his actions and words. Won't be funny that way. Ended up, only a pack of crows will fly by. You really gotta be there to experience it for yourself.

Anyway, work is light today despite 2 units came in. Still had a lot of time to tuan. As what Carrie Chong (Yah, the Perfect 10 DJ; Jon called the station this morning) asked Jon this morning if he was in a tuan unit, he said "no". Liar! Or sort of lah!

Speaking of which, Jon really doesn't sound himself over the radio. Sounds like so much older. So much like a nagger. I am sorry, but Jon, you are definitely one who preaches and nag. Talk on remedies for cough over the air??? That I will not talk about definitely. Hahaha! Never mind, perhaps that is your character. Probably I should call you father from now. Hahaha! Joking! You are still my dear brother. Hahaha!

Ok, as promise yesterday, I will post my reflection points today. So shall end my blog with it. Feel free to comments on them if you all think there is any need. Can update it in the comment box at the side. Will update it ASAP on the blog when I receive it. You all will be helping me too. Thanks a lot!

1. Gotta learn to speak more clearly at times. Think before I speak instead of just blurting everything out and hope others get my meaning. Ended up, I will only be speaking nonsense and waste my saliva. Nag might be good; speak properly.

2. Do not let my feelings and mood be affected by trivial matters. It will only make myself feel worse even those around me.

3. Stop being so choosy over food. Be thankful I have >3 meals a day.

4. Do not let other people's views cloud my judgement. Experience and analyze it myself. Do not depend on hearsay or rumors only.

5. When befriending people, accept them as whom they are and not spend half my time changing them. Makes me just unapproachable.

6. Learn to care more for others. Providing them might not be the only solution. Sheltering them is also another aspect.

7. Take better care of my health. Work is work, rest is rest.

8. Do not give up until the job is done. No matter how bad the situation may look, there is always a silver lining behind it.

9. Dependent less on others for help. Many things I am capable of, I am not doing it. The working society will not tolerate such dependence.

10. Wear a smile more often instead of a frown no matter how bad the day can be or is the mood. It helps keeps others happy, in turn come back to you.

11. Attend church more regularly.

12. Spend more times on books instead of senseless TV shows.

13. Learn more weapons like tripod and other rare guns that come into the workshop. It is a once in a lifetime opportunity to touch so many weapons.

14. Maintaining present friendships is better than trying to find more and lose one in the end.

15. Do not try to teach people when I am able to express myself verbally. It will only make others more confused than they are. Try other methods which is more effective. But, never fail to stop sharing my knowledge.

16. Teaching is good, but must be humble to learn to. Be it from my master or my padawan, I must keep my pride and learn if the skill is something I lack. Never stop learning.

17. Do not flare out immediately at any criticisms or comments. Instead, take time to analyze them. They can be true and need a change.

18. Learn crochet. An art of my interest.

19. If I have time, probably I could take up a foreign language. Maybe Spanish or French.

So many points of reflection. Not sure if there is anymore to add. Hey out there! Don't feel shy to add or comment in my comment box. We need to learn and correct ourselves daily. From there, we can grow up to be better people. Ok, shall end here. People out there, start your nagging and comments. For now, I need them. Thanks and nitey!

p.s. Jon, about the words of assurance today, thanks a lot. I'm touched. But, don't blame me for thinking that way. I been through a lot to make me feel that way. My mind is telling me to trust my instincts, my heart is telling me to trust you. Nevertheless, I will follow my heart. Thanks a lot!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/12/2004 08:45:00 PM

Sunday, January 11, 2004

Day Of Self Correction

Did nothing today, just stayed at home and stare at the 4 blank walls in my room. Absolutely boring. Was actually hoping for a little action, but I think I needed the time for some self-reflection.

So much has past since the last self-reflection I did. Realise so many faults which I did and could have prevented it. Don't really want to list them all out. Wanna keep today's blog short.

Anyway, I also did a bit of pampering of myself. Went for a haircut for a style to last thru Chinese New Year. Also did some facial in the afternoon. God knows when I did my last facial. My! Look at all the dead cells and oil I've accumulated on my face. Probably the reason for the outbreak of pimples recently. Or not so serious as outbreak. When I was in secondary school, THAT WAS OUTBREAK! Pain and blood was what I went thru. Ok, so now my skin feels great. My face is smooth. My hair is neat. My nails are WOAH!!!! Think I am ready for the New Year.

Ok, going to go out soon. So shall end my blog now. Am still self-reflecting on myself. So shall put up my points in tomorrow's blog. Good day!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/11/2004 04:54:00 PM

Saturday, January 10, 2004

Spring Cleaning

Did some spring cleaning for my room for the coming Chinese New Year. Realize I got so much rubbish lying around. Waste paper, army stuff, blah! Hahaha! Had such a fun time throwing everything into the dustbin. Probably also a good thing to throw away the old and start on a fresh start. Also found a few corporal insignias lying around. Reminds me of my corporal days where army was so much enjoyable. Missed it a lot. Probably these extra insignia I could give them to my friends, save them some money.

Anyway, today went back to work. Was told to stay home by MSG Sivan yesterday, however due to some outstanding work, decided to come back. Did not regret as today was pretty slack. Manage to get into some happy mood with the bunch of section pals, Jon, Kenny and Kevin, I have. They and their 3SG See jokes. Don't really understand that guy.

Anyway, went out lunch with them after work at Ang Mo Kio Centre. Joked a lot, heart lightens a little and headed home.

Now, don't know if I regret something which I did today or not. Think I overshared about myself today. Another person into the dark part of my life. Don't really know what he truthly feels about it despite his assurance. It is like a form of sixth sense or a man's intuition. Keep telling me that there is going to big a very big change within the friendship of Jon and me. Don't feel many people are so receptive to this dark side of my life. Guess my looks don't show it. Know I caught him by a very big surprise. I have lost many friendships before. Don't really want lose another brother due to this. However, this is part and parcel of whom I am. Every packet has its pros and its cons. They must accept it as a whole. Don't say I blame anyone for this, as the idea of having a friend with this type of background is not something one meets everyday. It is also not one which one want to get entangles with. What am I supposed to do now?

Should I have waited longer a bit more? But I guess the cat is already out of the bag. Think I will respect his wish of accepting me once again. As a stranger? A mild acquaintance? A friend? A brother? Or just a colleague? Sigh! Only time will tell. This 1/2 a friend I am trying so hard to gain, I think I have did all I can. If I am to lose it, I guess I have to continue with 3 again. End here with this phrase. "To be or not to be?"

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/10/2004 06:58:00 PM

Friday, January 09, 2004

The Heart That Matters Most

Can't seem to hide my feelings well today. Guess my title speaks the loudest. 1. Having a very burdened heart since the range. 2. Also did not have a very good night yesterday. 3. Add on, my hearing seems to get in the way.

1. Only reason of my presence at the range was for the support of all my friends. As I said before, still am feeling guilty for the failure of the guidance as an upperstudy. Supposed to guide them well with all my skills. Still don't understand why I can't do my job well. Fail so badly in one of the biggest point in life. Yet, nobody blames me. Still keep thinking I am the goody goody person who does everything right. Maybe due to my rank? May it be due to as a friend? Don't even know if there are any rumors behind my back. sigh!

2. Keep waking up having this unexplainable feeling. Mind can't seem to rest. Yet today, I still can't fall asleep in the bus. Keep looking at the sky. Feels so serene, so tranquil, a total escape from reality. Left the group behind during lunch today was the reason I needed to be alone, and get an escape from them. Can't really seem to face them after what I did. Sigh!!

3. Looks like my condition has gotten worse since the last time. Keep hearing this ringing in my right ear and slight sharp pain. Knew I should not have gone for this range due to the doctor's advice. For the sake of others, I did not really care. Know some people will sure scold me for being so silly. Don't know is it really worth the effort after so much. Think it does as it makes me realize I am not so skilled after all. Think I only left half of my hearing in my right ear. Hopes it does get better. Seems to affect most of my mood today. SIGH!!!

Gotta be more discreet in my feelings tomorrow. Everyone was so affected by my mood today. So very sorry. Now I am really a sickening burden to all around me. Don't know how to forgive myself for this. Think tonight I am really going to cry in bed. Am going end here. Mood is really getting worse.

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/09/2004 08:12:00 PM

Thursday, January 08, 2004

Range Conclusion

Ended last night. Today went back to work. So much happened yesterday. So much to say, just dunno how to bring it out. So much feelings in the heart, but unable to reveal it out. Feeling more to failure than tired. Guess no one knows. Suppose to boost confidence, ended up the people around me suffer. Don't understand why I am still around. I am very sorry everybody.

Went by Ang Mo Kio Centre today. Saw a suicide scene below the flats. Feel so like it should be me in that position rather than the other. Don't understand why? Feel so bad today. Don't feel like updating further.

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/08/2004 07:28:00 PM

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

Long "Range" Kiss Goodnight

Another day yesterday where I was unable to update my blog. Nope! Not guard duty. But range. Got home only this morning 0030. So the first thing was head to bed. Terribly tired.

I am appointed as the Safety Specialist for range which was conducted by 9DSMB. In total is a 3 days range. I know today is only the second day, but due to the details were lesser today, we manage to fall out at 2210. Am also given a secondary appointment of Evacuation Party for my chamber. Also add on the weight, given "tertiary appointment" of Range Armorer. SO it seems wherever I go, I always get arrowed here and there. Sigh!

Anyway, yesterday, range was conducted for 3, 6 and 9 DSMB shooters. Went out early with Jon to camp. However, as my unit's tradition, we are always late. Hahaha! Things were dragged pretty late, as everyday was unfamiliar with their roles, thus dragging the shootouts. Anyway, I was feeling like an oxymoron. Happy and sad at a go. Sad as Jon did not make it. Thus need to go back on Wednesday for a retest. Happy in the sense as at least I have a "kaki" to follow me to camp. Know I am bloody evil. I am sorry, Jon! Pray you will pass tomorrow. So went home with him by cab yesterday.

This morning, waking up was terrible. It was like only 5mins of sleep. Feeling super sleepy the whole day. Don't really know I am going to survive tomorrow. So partly the reason why this is going to be a fast blog. Took 2SG Hasan's car to range today. Things were very much smoother and faster. But DEFINITELY everybody was more lethargic than yesterday.

Enjoy the night range as I got to watch the night sky. Really cloudless night. The stars were so bright. The moon even brighter. Even Mars hung in the night sky like a bright spot. So saw a satellite in orbit, leaving a trail of silver line in the sky. It was definitely a sight not to be missed. Too bad was not carrying a camera. But guess the best camera is still in my mind. You all got to see it for yourself to truthly appreciate it.

Ok, shall end here. End here with a wish well to reshooters tomorrow, especially my dear super pessimistic brother, Jon. May you all pass with flying colours. Just hope we are in the same chamber and I may inspire you all. Ok, further details will be updated on Thursday. Now, SLEEP!!!! NITEY!!!!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/06/2004 11:36:00 PM

Sunday, January 04, 2004

IMax; The Experience You Will Never Forget

IMAX SUXS!!!! SUXS TO THE CORE!!!! If bloggy can sux that bad, IMAX SUXS even more, add on, BIG TIME!!! Yah, went all the way to Great World City today to catch this movie. Paid a hefty 13 bucks for this 35-mins show. Felt so bloody cheated! My! The storyline suxs! The duration suxs! The price suxs! THE SHOW SUXS!!! These shows should actually carry warning labels on them. So mad! The only thing which is worth commending is the 3D effects is breath-taking. But overall, it still suxs!

Yeah, caught the movie with Jeremy today. Felt so guilty for dragging him to watch it. ESP this time of the month, where everyone is literally broke. At least if this 35-mins was a live concert of Beyonce, all will be paid off. Hahaha! Speaking of which, don't understand why my head keeps pounding over the MTV of Beyonce I downloaded last night. My! She is BLOODY EROTICA. Hm! Hmmmm! Hmmm! Hahaha! Hot hot hot!!!! Beyond words. Let's get out of this subject before it gets out of control.

Anyway, before that bloody show, went Country Manna for lunch. Was actually pondering over Kenny Rogers too. But due to past experience last month, decided to go otherwise. THANK GOD! It was so much better! Hahaha!

Also went shopping with Jeremy at Orchard first before heading home. Clothes, I did not get as they were bloody expensive. Probably will visit Queenstown first before making any purchase. But did got a few accessories at Mad Factory; The Heeren. Pretty happy. But not yet got over that bloody $13.

Now, back home. Am downloading another MTV. So guess I will be here quite long. But not late. Tomorrow still need wake up early for range. And the subsequent day, and subsequent day. Sigh!

Think I sign off today here with a movie poster of the IMAX experience I had today. Ok, the 3D effects were great lah! Especially everything looks so near to you with those special shades provided. But definitely not watching again. Sorry! To all out there, good day!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/04/2004 07:31:00 PM

Saturday, January 03, 2004

Goodbye To You

Of all the things I've believed in (my values and principle that I live by)
I just want to get it over with (Through any method, I just want to quickly be done with all my tasks, at all costs!)
Tears form behind my eyes (So tired till almost breaking down)
But I do not cry (A tough front I still must put up)
Counting the days that pass me by (Since the 1st task till now, almost coming to a year)

I've been searching deep down in my soul (For a reason why I am doing and enduring till now)
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old (The way the task are assigned to me are all the same. "Matthew please???" And there it goes)
It feels like I'm starting all over again (They never end; a virtual cycle)
The last three years were just pretend (For 3 different years in army is like a dream)

Seems that even songs have the ability to relate to me so much till I decided to post part of the lyrics of Michelle Branch's Goodbye To You up here. So what is new? Another of Matthew's complains. Probably that is how I find the strength to go through all these. Plus all the ears I've collected along the way, the scales of what I gain and loss just dramatically tipped in my favour. Am real glad the walk is almost ended.

Funny I would actually think of this all the sudden. Actually it is not that sudden. Was actually triggered by Clarence's explosion of ORD mood. Make me did a count and found out the days I left was about hundred plus. Was on this morning trip to Selarang Camp for meeting, felt so bad that another arrow I have to clear before my service is over. Will not say this is an ultimate one, but definitely a tough one. 3 days of range in a row, is no laughing matter. Sleep is definitely a problem. Pray I will get through this smoothly.

Anyway, caught up with Elvin and Jon for lunch today at Mos Burger. Realize funds are getting a bit low again. Real glad at least I am able to pull through real smoothly till the next paycheck. No matter how, I try my best to save.

Looks like I have to start saving up for the purchase of a "noise rate meter". Funny huh? sOmE pEoPlE keep thinking I am very loud. Hahaha! Joking la! Anyway, still have a need to save up to get my New Year clothes which is just round the corner. A time to relax for me. Also to catch up with many of my friends. Just pray workload during then will be lesser. With the amount of weapons I have now, is definitely not a good sign. Hope the de-stress times will come soon for my section.

Speaking which of de-stress, last night, had another session of chat out with the guys. Posted some details in yesterday's blog. Just was so tired till did not further update in last night's blog. Anyway, do not know why, did not enjoy it as much as I wanted to. Probably due to the fatigue coming over me during the whole time. But the verbal ping-pong among us manage to keep me sane and awake. So guess I do not regret going out then. Always seem to enjoy the company of close friends around me. Makes me feel the warmth of being wanted and cared for again. Touching huh? Hahaha!

Ok, shall end here today as I do not want to interfere too much in the downloading of my MTV. It is already long enough. Ok, nitey!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/03/2004 08:14:00 PM

Friday, January 02, 2004

Protecting The Nation

Hi! Back again at last. Same like the reason before, I was on duty yesterday, so unable to make any entries in my blog. So tonight's blog will be exceptionally long.

Was unable to log online with my PDA, but at least able to type in my entry first into my PDA. So it is backdated. Alright, don't understand? Never mind, just know THE POWER OF TECHNOLOGY. So, here goes nothing!

01/01/04 10:35 AM
Sigh! Early morning must go back camp. Not only that, it is a holiday. Totally in a holiday mood now. Hahaha! At least, the prowling schedule very little, plus DO is also slightly caring, thoughgarang. Now, DO in office working. While I am in the guardroom watching my idol's movie. Yeah! Keanu Reeves!!! Looks like things aren't that bad after all. On the whole, a bit on the history, usually there will always be a shortage of guards. This is always due to the fact some of the guards are on MC or more serious, AWOL. Apparently, there is an excess of guards today. There are 7 guards, compared to the usual 6 guards. Can slack even more. Haha! Just hopes it rains and it will be better.

Yah, a bit on to last night. Went bed at 12am. Unexpectedly just half an hour of sleep, received phone call. It was my gang brothers. Asking me out party at our usual. Hahaha! How to refuse them? So go lah! Anyway, I'm the boss. So of course the drinks were on me. Did not dare to drink too much anyway. Got to remain sobber for today's duty. The pub was exceptionally crowded at that time, I must say. Guess the earnings for the night will be more. So, decided to throw in 2 more bottles of martini. Got them totally drunk. Lastly, must help up my waitress to close up the place. Had to spend the rest of the night in the office. Glad I expected this and brought along my stuff. Went back to camp with all my guys still dEaD in the pub. Haha!

Took a bathe first, of course before hitching the first bus back to camp. Really super tired now. On the whole, my whole left hand is totally numb from the soap and the wounds from the fall. Ouch! Hurts even to bend it.

Guess I am really super bored to type so much even when in camp. SO end here for a while. Update later again.

02/01/04 04:20 AM

Strange time to update a blog huh? Cause it is my time to take over the desk duty. Though still am very sleeping, guess this is part and parcel of duty. At least, manage to gain the respect of all my guards. Glad everything went well.

Now, am catching Touched By An Angel on TV. Guess not only prime time movies do TCS like to show nonsensical Live TV and repeated movies, even morning shows are pretty sucky. Hahaha!!!

Back history to last night, got a call from 2SG Leow to take over his CDO duty tomorrow. Guess it will not be off for me tomorrow after all. Never mind, at least get to stay in the workshop then rot back at home. Actually, doubt many people will come today for work. After all, this is post New Year Eve. They are still much in the holiday mood.

Time really creeps by real slowly now. Am waiting for 5:30 to raise the flags and the arrival of the personnel down for range. Think I'll end here for now again. Probably will update the rest when I get back home tonight.

02/01/04 19:20 PM
Ok, just got home. Home sweet home! But going out soon again. Going to meet Jon, Kevin and Elvin are chat out session again. Great! Time to relax at last. Today was glad also regret I did not take my off. (Supposingly if one will to do duty on a holiday, he will be repaid with an off the next day.)

Regret in the sense was I was utterly stunned by the water-flow of weapons today. They came in like nobody's business. Hahaha! Literally worked from morning till fall out. Worse weapon was the GPMG Tripod. It came in for component from the unit, 3rd Guards. Ended up, due to my incompetence, I almost spoil the whole weapon. It actually took all 3 section ICs, namely MSG Tang, MSG Sivan and 2WO Lim, my PS, MSG Lim and my new PC, 1WO Ravi to rectify the problem cause by Clarence and me. Hahaha! Feel so ashamed. Later, even had to engage the help of 2WO Lui to teach me. Did not remember much, just only the vulgarities he scolded in my face. Hahaha!!!

Glad in the sense that I was able to be there to lighten some of the load. Though I felt a bigger burden since I had to engage so much help from others with the tripod. Joel had to help me transport the repaired tripods out to RnI. Jon and Abel had to help me handle the problem raised by Mdm Nelly. (She was my instructor at OETI. Now she works in DSTA.) Super funny how Jon had to carry my HP while I talk to Mdm on the line. Super dumb. Keep disturbing me by moving away my HP. But I am still thankful. Also, to the whole group of senior specialists and warrant to lend in a helping hand. Hahaha!

Glad the busy day had ended. Even happier that I cleared the CDO duty pretty quickly today. Speaking of which, got to thanks Clarence for clearing arms in the DX Armory and Jon for clearing my CDO check in techstore. (Though he will help me clear it tomorrow since I am not going to camp; going down to 9DSMB for range meeting)

Seems like I owe it to a lot of people today. Hey out there! Thanks to all out there who have helped me in some way or another even though I did not mention your name. Thanks a lot!!! Shall end here now. Bit too long already. Anyway need go out meet my brothers. Nitey!!!!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 1/02/2004 07:46:00 PM