//...Raging Fire Burn...\\

Sunday, November 30, 2003

Command N Conquer: Master Of The Seas!?!?!?!

Hahaha!!! Cute title huh??? Went to watch it today. Of course not lah!!! It is Master And Commander. Quite a nice show. Definitely worth the money. A 2+hrs show. Watch it with niu lang at Plaza Singapura. Muz thank him for the treat today. Hehehe! This show really cute. Occurs all on the waters of near Brazil 1805. Shows how Russell Crowe who is in charge of an English battleship tries to capture this French battleship which was more superior than theirs in every way u can think. EVEN looks n brains. Hahahaha!!! Beside the point lah, they fought, they run. Go holiday, learn new tactics n won the battle. Sort of lah. Can go catch it.

Hmmm�� just realise that my link to put photos on this Bloggy stuff is wrong. Onli I can c it. Uploaded it on Geocities and linked it to there�� ALSO CANNOT�� this BLOODY BLOGGY STUFF is driving me crazy. It is so BLOODY SUCKY!!!!! SUXS SUXS SUXS!!!! DOWN TO THE CORE!!!!! SHITTY!!! Nvm, I will survive.

Going downstairs soon to drink coffee with Justin�� hope he is able to help me. Dun feel like talkin much on this Bloggy today. Take care!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 11/30/2003 05:29:00 PM

~Fans Chat!~

Saturday, November 29, 2003

Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining...

Come to say of it, today wasn't such a bad day. Woke up at 5.15am. Bloody sleepy! Heng got this Kevin, with his enthu to perk up my day. Can't believe he so early still can be so bouncy! hahaha!!!!

Anyway, we reach Pasir Ris Park bout 6am. Sun still not realli up. With help from everyone, we set up everything pretty quickly. Met many today. Siew Shin, Donald, 3DSMB left marker (met during CMEO COC parade). Did a bit of cycling also.... actually that's wat the mobile safety spec (sounds sort of witty, cocky but wordy)supposed to do. hehehe!!! quite fun. anyway, the run was pretty successful. ended quite early. 9.40am. Went home with Jon.

Actually able to sleep, but was meetin Jeremy Seow for dinner, so decided not to. later headache then die lah. (happens everything when i sleep a bit.) Anyway, ate at Seoul Garden, with compliments of Jeremy. Thanks a lot. manage to grab some pick-me-ups for Jon's birthday too. Decide to make it a christmas present too. coz i think i bought too much. Pretty expensive when i add all up. Sorry leh bro!!! i a bit cheap lah... hehehe!!! just hope u like it. Decide not to post wat i bought till after i give the present on monday (better give early else either i too busy or forget.) Hope Jon will like it.

Ok, realli tired. want to sleep liao. will talk more tomo. Nitey!!!!
p.s. funny... met a lot of ppl today. Mdm Ngeo on the MRT, Ah Yap at Suntec, Yanting at Kalm's, Wei Peng at Citylink... more surprised is my primary school friend, LIM PEIXUAN!!! WOAH!!!!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 11/29/2003 11:29:00 PM

~Fans Chat!~

Friday, November 28, 2003

Stay In 6DSMB... SUXS To The CORE!!!!

Today entering my Blog at a very weird time. Not that on purpose, but it is due to army... my title has already stated why. Sigh!!! So sad. tomo there is this Log run thingy. So was instructed to book in so can wake up on time tomo. Supposed to be the safety spec. tomo with Jon n Jia Hao. Nvm, at least i get to cycle. But sick of staying in.

Anyway, today was quite an ok day. Not many weapons came in today. Just have a lot of spares to collect (as per normal, i have to process them myself... sad sad). Took in 3 M203. Not bad lah... not much of a problem. But, dunno why so suay, at the near end, kenna fatigue for tomo's Log Run. was approach by Wee Siong. Or say, arrowed by him!?!?! Jokin lah. Just hope that Jon dun mind about this arrow. (Keep having the feeling that he doesn't like it, but dun wanna tell me.) Am I over-sensitive??? Sigh...

Dunno why am I sighing so much!?!?! Maybe I can't enjoy the precinct of my home... most important, MY BED. Hahaha!!!! Anyway, thank God I got most of my good pals here. Dun feel that lonely. Besides, I noe i do not need go home alone. Else, real sucky!!! Just dun get it why i hate goin home alone even though I dun talk to my partner if I do. Got it wat i am talking??? I dun.. F*** it!!!! I can't get into mood of thining then writing. Just let my hands type.

Anyway, felt quite happy about this evening. Had dinner with Opheania. Sorry sister!!!! I noe i veri late. Tried my best... but blame it on the recee at Pasir Ris Park (tell u later). Treat her to McDonald's. Cheap lah... but least we enjoyed every moment. Hey!!! Had spend much time with her for so BLOODY LONG loh... think better try find more time with her else her mother start complaining about me neglecting her daughter. Hahaha!!!! As if i am her who. BROTHER, alright!!!!!!

K, on to that recce which i was talking just now, went with 10+ of my armt guys to recee the place. Supposed to find the deployment of the marshallers, water points n safety spec. But, I find it quite useless loh. iN tHe RaIn!?!?!?! not drenched lah... but just wet lah... wet for my date... F***ing A******!!!! Am i too vulgar!?!?!?! Hahahah!!!! forget about. at least was quite romantic...

Hmmm... lights off liao... supposed to sleep. But still typing this Blogster stuff... Think Jon is also updating his at his terminal loh. Nvm, peek at it later... Better end this soon. this ugly toad, Kevin is disturbing the peace again. He pretty sick today. Keep hugging me n sing his rOmAnTiC sOnGs to me, as if i his who. VOMIT!!!. Sorry lah Kevin, grow up lah... u older then me by 1 year leh... act like one can??? hahaha!!!

Ok, think i better end here. U noe why??? Some people, I dun want say WHO said i veri naggy... so better end my Blog here. come to think of it, quite true. hahaha!!!! probably, I've more things to complain n talk about than last time those normal events. Veri sickening!!!! hahahah!!!! Ok, goin to update my Bloggy template. Update tomo. Nitey!!!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 11/28/2003 11:56:00 PM

~Fans Chat!~

Thursday, November 27, 2003

PRIDE Conference... Match!?!?!

Hmmm�� quite an okay day today. Pretty happy. Just veri tired. Had late nite yesterday. But slept veri well. No one to disturb me. Just to put down on record, that STRANGER is GONE!!! Hahaha!!! Real happy�� Also had a great Charmed last nite. Baddies tried steal baby Halliwell yesterday. My my!!! How did Piper blow up all those baddies? Hahaha!!! Cure part of my anger yesterday.

Today was a good start. Sort of lah. Though sleepy, but was too nervous to sleep. CO conference. At about 9, was then call up to meeting room. Realize much was already done. But my view... not really satisfied. Why??? What sort of design was the flyers n shirts??? Abstract was the comment. SHIT colour is mine. Hahaha!!! Anyway, was totally stunned by the figures. Keep saying low budget�� flyers n promotion of PRIDE costs $350.00. What the H*** they trying to do??? PRIDE movie trailer??? Selling PRIDE promo items!?!?! Com'on leh!!! Get a life, would u??? Anyway, once again the games were debated among, CPT Daniel (OC FMC), CPT Don (OC Armt), CPT Lai (S4) n MAJ Lee (CO). We clowns again got caught in between with each person wanting their ways. Expected, sure CO got his way!!! Hmmm�� early morning stress already. Can��t believe meeting can stretch ALL THE WAY TO 12:30pm. Shitty!!! Ok, at least lunch was on CPT Don. Taught us some lifeskills to be use to deal with our boss in future. Thanks to him.

Then back to workshop, took in 1 MG, 2 M203 n a few Steyrs. The rest all component. Was really proud the section handled it very well. Hey R2 guys!!! Except for PTE Neil, Keep up the good work! We are really the most efficient team. I always have the confidence we all can make it. Noe u all veri tired. So when ask to sweep behind the sofa, didn't ask u all to sweep. Deserved it! Seow Ping-jie also helped a lot. In the sense, usually after repairing a weapon, we must do the 1st out inspection then only pass to the I/C. she did not want to tire us, thus just direct took the weapons from us immediately after repair. Thanks to her too!

Went back home, Giant was supposed to meet his "hope-to-be girlfriend" at Sembawang Hill Centre. Ended up, Andrew and me seemed more excited over it. Keep pointing towards Yishun and down Thomson. Hahaha! So cute. Anyway, good luck, Giant!!!

Almost forgot to mention, manage some of my anger on Neil today. Told me he was able to learn M203 by noon. However, slack all the way till 4plus. If not for me who ask him, he just keeps continue slacking till fall out. N come to think of it, his test is tomo. How to pass? The task to teach him was assigned to me by MSG Sivan. How I am going to answer? Did a quick intro session to him. Expected, I screwed him slightly today. Nope, I did not really scold him much. Not even 20% was used loh. People were already asking me to calm down. Rahul even said that was the 1st time I've been so angry. Guess they have not seen the real angry me. Neil, if fate should allow u to see my Blog tonight, better buck up tomo and learn, else u gonna be the 1st in Armt. Coy. to see a real raging Matthew. U wouldn't want to see it. Let's just wait till tomo n I'll update here. Going to screw him so hard till he will run at the sight of me.

Hmmm�� learn something today on web designing. But did not manage to place it. thinking of links at the top which allows quick access to my every update on this page individually by date. Interesting??? Actually wasn't supposed to add this. But who noes I update this Blog everyday plus�� some more so BLOODY long. My fault... Better try place this asap else ppl must scroll down like crazy. Ok, end here. Going to read up more n try improve this Bloggy stuff.

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 11/27/2003 08:09:00 PM

~Fans Chat!~

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

Raging To The Top Over A Useless Working Society

Just got home now. Feelin real tired after one BLOODY PRIDE meeting. So bloody angry now. Almost want to burst.

1st, find all these bloody regulars just ONE BIG PIECE OF CRAP!!! Do anything just to impress the big boss up there. One moment say one thing, the next moment does another. Either they are BLOODY fickle minded, or BLOODY SADISTIC�� just wanna torture the ppl down there. Dun realli understand wat fun do they get. These 2-headed beast�� realli beyond words of description. It was these BLOODY group of ppl that wanted us NSF to organize PRIDE DAY. It was them to form the team. Now we feel like BLOODY clowns�� or wat I should say.. puppets. Pulled here, pulled there. Suppose to think of ideas when they already have their own. If they so like it their way, propose to organize it n ask for us as helpers on the way. Dun need to stoop so low as to carry the balls of CO n then underneath do the direct opposite. Lastly till these moment, all planning is done by regulars. Games i/c�� regular, food i/c�� regular, overall i/c�� regular. Now this CPT Daniel still plan to cover it up by asking us to present their ideas to CO tomo, seems like NSF doin the job. F***ing A**H***!!! Now, expect me how to write on an article to give CPT Winson on a PRIDE event organized totally by NSF??? Want to play fire with fire?? Fine!!! Just write as what I am doing lah!!! State the fact. They can answer the consequences themselves. I HAD IT WITH THIS PRIDE EVENT!!! After this, never will I go for this type of BLOODY SHIT STUFF!!!

2nd, COS n CDO are supposed to wait for ALL personnel to use finish the workshop before closing up. Bloody HA�� can't even wait for 15mins. Lastly must change in SA with my coverall n boots still in SA. Realli ought to get extra. Never forget these pair of people. THANK GOD they are not workin with me. Else I'll kill them with my bare hands.

BUT!!! I wanna thank my SA COS. So grateful with him for waiting for me to return�� FANG SHENG�� Thanks a million!!! If got any good things in future, sure share it with u. Though it seems like a small matter, it really shows how good a character he is. Tired�� can't be compared to him who did guard duty yesterday. If the HA ppl know they are on duty, they shouldn't make any plans. What busy crap�� what tired crap�� totally nonsense!!!

Can see that I am fuming with anger now. In fact, thru the whole meetin, my fellow partners could see my boiling pt already. Plus that HA freaks�� realli cross my boiling pt. Literally took my stuff from them, which they "so happily used their initiative" and took it from my locker�� not to mention, without my permission, and stormed away.

Realli can't seem to feel good today if not for Fangsheng. Really really grateful. Msg him later to thank him again. Nothing seem right, toppin it all up with this BLOODY STRANGER at home. Can't seem to write anymore. Else my blog will be nothing but a "venting anger machine". Just hope forget about it n hope for a better day tomo.

p.s. took me so hard to write this. But I am realli realli tired of life now. So tired. Realli tired. Can't control my tears. Efforts down the drain. When is this shit going to end? Can I give up? No one can hear my pain.

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 11/26/2003 08:30:00 PM

~Fans Chat!~

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

Selamat Hari Raya

Hmmm�� supposed to go house visiting today at Mdm Norsiah��s today. But she din call�� or should I say maybe I din answer the HP yesterday. Passed my HP to Jeff to escape from Mdm Vena. Hahaha!!!

Nvm, good thing did not go out. Wet day today. No heart to go out. So just stay home bake cookies. Hahaha!!! As per normal, bake my special Walnut Chocolate Cookies. Going to bring some to camp tomo. Da Loh aka Loh Wei Hua will go crazy. Hehehe!!! Also bake something else. Chocolate brownies. Taste quite delicious when hot lah. Now it is in my fridge. As I always tell my mum, I like to experiment with different types of food. Next time dunno wat to try. Nvm, let my creative juices flow at that time only. Tomo bring to work n c how they taste like.

Like to thank God he brought that so-called ex-dad of mine out today. Can bake in peace. Hehehe! He came back only when I was finish with my last batch of cookies. Anyway, not going to let him affect me now.

Was going to write why thoughts of him make me sad last night. Probably don��t find a need to do that now. Don��t wanna spoilt my holiday. Just say we were very close last time. Close enough to be his pet child. 10 over years it had been the same. Still can��t seem to accept the fact I am not compared to that BLOODY FAT STINKING MISTRESS of his. Probably why now sort of despise China woman. Have not told anyone about this. Seems like a lot of things I��ve been keepin to myself huh? Told u I am a person of secrets. Guess I am feeling like the Charmed ones when they lost their muse to a warlock (check out Charmed season 4 , Muse To My Ears to understand what I am talkin about.) Basking in the brilliance of my failure. Really must learn the Phoebe Halliwell spirit. ��I love, I lost, now moving on�� (check out Charmed season 3, Look Who��s Barking) Hmmm�� got it now why I like Charmed so much??? Yah, shows me values to keep in my life. Also a getaway from reality.

Ok, move away from this sad topic. Dun wanna cry on a holiday. Still feelin pretty hateful to this guy for hurting my mum. This type of dad, rather not have. My opinion, HE SUCKS TO THE CORE! But, that��s my experience n for me to say. Not for anyone else to say.

Alright, pretty tired from writing so much. Had to write 10 over testimonials on Friendster. So end early today. Back to work tomo n still left my PRIDE stuff still undone. Byezz��

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 11/25/2003 04:50:00 PM

~Fans Chat!~

Monday, November 24, 2003

A Day Of Mixed Feelings

Can't help but feeling veri happy today. Dunno why... enter thru the gates, fall in (oh yah, something happen which i muz say later), all was fine. sth spoilt my mood. Guess it was the PRIDE stuff... deadline change to this comin Wed n ALL the games muz suddenly be justified to PRIDE n INNOVATION. Totally shitty!!!
It was CPT Daniel himself who say **** care about innovation n PRIDE... just care about mass participation. Now dunno wat to do liao. Bloody CPTs... talk cant talk properly. always change ideas as and when they want. Also found out it is not handle by NSF liao, but regulars. Dunno wat CO will say. Also found out I muz once again write an article for PRIDE DAY. SHITTY!!!! Can't realli seem to get out of this sai kang cycle. Realli feel so damn bloody tired.

Feel so tired till I wanna go home... bake n let out my feelings. (Baking is a form of stress release for me n a veri good one)

Also another thing which got me pissed off was the weapon i am workin on. Dun understand why Han has to keep tryin to snatch it away from me to do. It is not i dun noe rivettin of GPMG (DUH!!! I am the upperstudy loh!!! as if i realli need help on basic rivetting). Not sayin I am skilled till where or to sound unreasonable that lower ranks noe lesser than me. It is not that loh n dun believe so. I believe they noe things which i still muz learn n to improve n they need my experience n knowledge to survive. But this is a real simple job, can't he give me a little respect n let me handle it myself. anyway, it ended up still needin Seow Ping-jie to pick up what's left. Realli felt quite angry loh. Got back at him by teasin him with Seow Ping. Then he got mad. JUST LIKE THAT!!!! Fine!!! just apologize loh. POINT TO NOTE: Han does not like to be make the subject of a joke.

N Jon muz make the comment of me not sayin sorry when i am in the wrong. Dun realli find it true loh. Dun think I want to apologize when someone is totally angry. Anyway, apology is not something i muz tell the whole world about. As long the other noes n accept, can liao right??? Dun understand why he muz bring up the situation with Brandon n Jia Hao which was bloody long ago. I onli vaguely remember it. Got me quite sad that the ppl around me still dun noe my character. Hmmm... dunno will i go far with this new grp of friends. Let time tell.

Another cute event was one which started last week. Was running away from Mdm Vena. Din want enter techstore to help up. Dun think they realli deserve it loh. Always clearing their mess n they dun seem to care to bother put in simple effort to be extra careful. Fancy always askin me, a technician, to attach into their store to help out. Do they not have a little PRIDE in themselves? Piss! anyway the funny thing is that on hidin in the guy's toilet from her. Han n Jon help me to clear the workshop when she leave. "Matthew!!! she is gone!!!" they both cried from the workshop to the toilet. I thinking realli clear, came out. Halfway towards my section, Jon made a comment. "Scarly she come out n PEEK-A-BOO..." just before i can say or do anything, she realli appeared at the smoking corner window. So shocked din noe wat to do. Jon n the rest all laughin till their heads off.

As for today, me still running away. Fancy even passin my HP to Jeff to answer my calls from there. LET ME OFF LAH, MDM!!!! muz say how many times i HATE paperwork... sigh!!!

Oh yah, almost forgot to write wat i was goin to write. During FALL IN!!!! can't believe this MSG Lee Bah Yee so wayang. Fancy one OC parade (held every Mondays) muz bUtToN uP tHe ToP bUtToN oF mY cOvErAlL!?!?!?! nvr done that b4 even in OETI loh!!! why??? becoz of health reason. Heat stroke. Dunno wat is in the ass brain of his. Fats n oil onli.

Hmmm... wrote so much today. Guess becoz i am free tomo. Tomo is Hari Raya, so holiday for me. Goin to bake cookies n brownies. C first tomo. Ok, think I end here today.

p.s muz add this. Dunno for wat reason, this so called father of mine (I call him ex-father. To me, my dad died since he left the family) suddenly pop back home tonight. Surprised me when i walked out of my bathroom. Hope he leave tomo. Dun disturb my bakin session. Can't stand the presence of him now. Make me feel digusted n filthy. Can't imagine how such a dad i had become to this monster. Always put me near to tears when i think of it. Thank goodness din cry in my workplace else my happy happy image down the drain.

Ok, was sayin i am goin to end. But still talk so much. Man!!! I AM BLOODY NAGGY!!! Guess I no where far from Jon. Fancy me preach n not doin it. Prob felt a close connection with Jon coz his character does sounds veri like me, just that i've change since my dad events. will say tomo. Entry too long liao. Nitey!!!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 11/24/2003 10:00:00 PM

~Fans Chat!~

Sunday, November 23, 2003

Shopping At Suntec City

Hmmm... next day is about to come. Funny I dun feel sad... in fact happy to go back to work. Hmmm... dun noe wat's wrong with me.

Today, went out early in the morning to meet my Niu Lang. Suppose to watch Wishing Stairs with him. Ended out onli went shoppin. Spend so much money. 30+ on a book on how to design a webpage. Hope it is of use to this webpage. Coz when it comes to web design... I am knowledge ZERO ZERO loh. Poor me! also $30 on 2 shirts from Hang Ten for Jon n Jia Hao. Their bday just approachin. So might as well buy the christmas present n birthday present together. Save money. Cheap huh??? I noe I am. Nvm, u all will learn to love me for that.

Hmm... wat else did I spend on...Ok, more or less there la. A bit more money to redesign those shirts lah. Make it more personal a bit lah.

Anyway, today is a pretty simple day for me lah. But just a total of mix feelings. Manage to confide in my best friend with all my troubles... uhmmm... minus those about my family lah. Dunno how to put out in words. Prob me still not got over it yet lah. nvm...

Anyway, started on the "Creating A Web Page For Dummies" today. Hope able to put it to good use. Then any visitors to this site can add a comment or 2. Just let's c wat is to come.

Ok, time to sleep. Still dunno why I so happy go back work tomo. Prob heart lighten a lot after today. Nvm, let's c how everything goes when I meet Jon to go to work, enter camp with the bloody blue camp pass , meetin my lOvElY GPMGs n answerin to MSG Sivan on why I took in the 2 2SIR GPMGs with barrel almost worn out, but still not worn out. Hahaha!! Fancy I still can laugh. Nvm, Nitey!!!

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 11/23/2003 09:55:00 PM

~Fans Chat!~

Saturday, November 22, 2003

The Beginning Of A New Era

Title sort of imapproriate lah. Not realli 1st time posting such a diary online. But I guess I better not go too personal. Dun want the whole world to noe who I am. In fact, I could just shut up n keep this personally to myself. Maybe just for close friends to noe lah. Say the true, I still dun really like this blogspot or wat i used to call it "BLOGGY Thingy" till this guy, Jon, entry into the Friendster's profile of his. Make me remember i still have such a terok thing online. Thank God the administrator still not yet del my account. Hmmm... dunno what to say. So instead of letting it go to waste might as well use it AGAIN.

Really say this Bloggy stuff sounds a bit complicated. Nvm, I��ll still try figure it out. Anyway, today's a Sat. yah... no work today coz I took off. Got too much. 8days (why does it sounds like the mag!?!?!) yah... really got too much off, dunno how to clear it. Whenever other of my colleagues clears off, I really wonder how they have the heart to do so. Imagine sth that is undone n u just leave it there for ppl to pick up the loose ends. Dun need spell it out. Yah, that's what I mean I can't get time to clear my off. Just too much things on hand. In fact, I��m suppose to go out now to fine a cohesion ala carte restaurant for my company. Guess I become too lazy whenever it is going to rain. Nvm, just let my fingers do the walking later... n the phone go ringing later.

Anyway, life today... sort of troubled lah. The week's been crazy. Mainly... hmmm... not mainly... I should say, one of which is the MSG LIM TP (or my term of LIM KU BY) Piss me off by his bloody remarks. "Matthew ALWAYS play in the file" yah yah... always my foot. Hmmm... but bygones... just put it behind me. Not that I dun noe his character. Been my IC for... WOAH!!! 1YEAR!!!

My Mdm is also gone. Back to GSMB. Yah... she has all the while been attach to my unit. Feel like I lost someone to confide in when I face problems in army. Looks like I found an alternative. (This electronic box call computer) hahaha!!!

What else... bloody lots of GPMG came in during the week. Thank goodness most are for component repair. Muz really tHaNkS to this MSG Grade 0.0 Simon Chia. Dun seem he bother to work. Shitty guy!!! Plus my IC seems to be really smoke bombing our section pretty often this week. Keep having to take over the section during the absence. THANK GOD most of my guys are pretty independent. Not many decisions I have to make. Just one decision I made yesterday which I am still regretting. Taking in 2 weapons from 2SIR. Though the barrels were checked by Giant (my section CPL Lim Shiang Han), I as the stand in IC should have double-checked. Coz the criteria of the worn out barrel was not really met fully. But thanks to SSG Lim, he said it was alright. Hmmm... not sure what to say.

Work seems stressful. My PRIDE IC, MSG Lee Bah Yee, also flew me an aeroplane. He withdraws from the team w/o any notice. Now only left 5 of my other NSF members n a veri-pressin CPT DANIEL. Sigh... dun really noe what to say now. Got totally played out. Guess I just go as plan with CPT Daniel now.

Add on this work stress, I still got family business to handle. A long lost father... but still able to create hell of a trouble. This bro of mine still can't seem to wake up from the dream world of all is provided to him. Keep s having the mentality of all he needs to do is study n reach out is hand for money. Totally not caring the problems of the family. Esp financially. Spending more money n time in front of his laptop n the TV. Dun understand what he is thinking. Fancy talking sense into him, he has the nerve to even push me. Though I told no one, not even my mum, I am really hurt by it. But guess if I would to scream n fight back, it will not help. Manage to put the problem on track temporary. Why??? My bro wants NO ONE to care about him. Just let him do what he wants n in return me n my mum do not need to help him with any of his stuff. But if he goes on his mad laptop n TV spree... electricity bill will rise again. Once again, another argument will start. What am I suppose to do??? Least my mum still got her sister n in-laws to talk to. I dun. Dun expect me to tell this to friends right??? "Fancy hanging dirty linens for public to see??" while I muz still try remain as the middle party instead of taking a side. Dun get it I am a victim too. I am too affected... BLOODY SHIT!!!! Wake up la all of u. really feels like standing on a really really high cliff n shout till all the air in my lungs are out. Shout it to the world to noe... I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!! But who cares... hmmm... really understand the song "trouble in the heart can't say out, no one can c, so who noes".

MSG Sivan really saw thru my disguise. His words "Matthew, u maybe always smiling. But inside u are very troubled". He noes some of the problems I face... but not the seriousness. I believe if anybody noes what I am facing, they will totally look at me with a total different view. I lack a fatherly love. I lack a complete family to turn to. I lack true close friends to turn to as and when I need. I can��t keep turning to them as they have that commitment. Friends to me are my alternative to the lack of family. That��s why I treasure friends n search for their company. One of which is Zhiwei (I call him Niu Lang). He is in Tekong.. Can��t keep calling him. Peici, she has a boyfriend, Chaowei n in the midst of exam. Chaowei in turn, he is in 3 Signal, staying in. who else can I find??? One I can trust, n one who trusts me. Recently go this batch of guys, Han n Jon. Ppl whom I can trust, but just dun have the connection. Decide on just giving out lah... talk to this senseless PC should b fine lah.

Will leave this website private. Maybe one day when anybody should c this. They will noe the life of Matthew Goh. Leave to fate. K, pretty tired liao. Going to nap. Write some other times.

# Entry By Matt Evans @ 11/22/2003 07:24:00 PM

~Fans Chat!~